Dear Uncle – unearthed

I would guess late 80’s to early 90’s. Partial letter, unedited;

This world as I see it, through eyes that are naive and sheltered is a world of turmoil, anguish, death, pain, love. This world is full of families that do not talk to each other. A world full of people with fears, anxieties, and misunderstanding. Why is it that some need to create more tension around themselves? How can I be an example to people, do I have the right to attempt to be an example? Am I worthy, what can I offer to those around me to make them understand or see that tension is not necessary, not required.

Every day I feel a desire to become secluded and isolated not because I want to forget the work and those around me, I just need some time to think. Some time to reflect on what I am doing, what has happened to me and what I need to do next. I don’t know where this need comes from at times I think it comes from my head. Other times it comes from deep within my soul at a place I am so unfamiliar with. a place that I have so little knowledge of. My hunger to discover this place overwhelms me at times and makes me impatient makes me restless. Making me feel that somehow I have a power to carry the calm, peacefulness that I believe we all desire to somehow display a better life and influence. That’s probably asking a lot of myself. I think that my life is too cluttered with things and think that these things are what has caused part of that problem. That I need to make my life simpler.

The questions, are there too many? Do the questions add to my confusion? Are the answers as important as I feel that they are? My train of thought is weak now I’m not putting together ideas, my thoughts are broken. Apart of me believes or things that a broken family means a broken person. So how can I be complete? When I say broken, I don’t mean through divorce like is usually attached to broken family. Broken through detachment, separation and again confusion. A part of my life I sometimes so badly wish would just go away, leave my thoughts, leave my soul. I long for a cleansing. It fills my dreams, my thoughts, my daily life, sometimes consuming me. For so long my life was my life, they were my life. The life I lived as a child. Yet, I was not their life. Otherwise, how could they have questioned and doubted me so. My pain, my intent.

Leave a Reply