Green Parrot

I’d like to write something, but can’t seem to get the words together.

Maybe later…

…okay, its a start.

In my nearly 50 years of life, I have read, experienced and explored many concepts and philosophies of religions. I was raised in a traditional Christian home. For me traditional means right down the middle, neither too much or too little. I for a time in high school, by my own definition, went off the deep end a bit. And became a bit of a zealot passing judgment onto others. Then I woke up. I looked at Judaism, Hinduism, Sufism, A Course In Miracles, Agnosticism, (albeit weak) and Buddhism. Although I have not formerly or officially studied beyond my own exploration, my sensibilities align me somewhere in a Buddhist way of thinking or being. As far as where I am today, a true definition is a bit blurry.

Somewhere along the way I came upon this and copied it down. I sent it to Colette, I believe on the day of her last chemo in August of 2009. She was never afraid of her light. She did not play small. She gave others permission to shine.

“It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel unsure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~Williamson

You are powerful beyond measure. Your beauty is the light that is your strength. You are gorgeous, talented and fabulous. Your confidence cast’s aside the insecurities of other. You create such joy.

It was such an honor and privilege to call her friend. She and Michael welcomed me into their home, their family and I am forever changed. And forever dedicated to her children as they grow and become living examples of her love, devotion, confidence, talent and brilliance.

National Blog Posting Month. Different than National Write a Novel Month. This is every month and they give you a theme.

Got the email today. I’m thinking I can’t avoid this month.

A message to all members of NaBloPoMo

Hey, bloggers! The theme for August is GREEN. I hope this will open up some doors for the gardeners, painters, and photographers amongst us, as well as those with other green planetary thoughts to share.

If you’d like to give daily posting a shot this month, you’ll want to be on the blogroll with your compatriots! Click here and follow the instructions at the top of the page. Proclaim your green intentions with an August HTML badge on your sidebar, which you can find here. (Badges for those who completed July are here!)

OK, then! Let’s get started!

“We need other people, not in order to stay alive, but to be fully human: to be affectionate, funny, playful, to be generous. How genuine is my capacity for love if there is no one for me to love, to laugh with, to treat tenderly, to be trusted by? I can love an idea or a vision, but I can’t throw my arms around it. Unless there is someone to whom I can give my gifts, in whose hands I can entrust my dreams, who will forgive me my deformities, my aberrations, to whom I can speak the unspeakable, then I am not human, I am a thing, a gadget that works but has no ashes. ~Prather

It’s back she said, it was raw and as painful as anything I had heard in a long time. In my mind this isn’t how it was to play out.

Bone cancer.

Chemo, surgery, radiation… it was gone. Now it’s back

FUCK! (sorry Mom)

This is different. I’m lost to don’t know what to do.

I want everyone … to … slow … down.

Let’s not race to the next thing.

Let it wait for us.

Let’s not spread ourselves thin, let’s make it wide.

So what if you are late.

What is it really that we all have to get to?

Where is it that we are going?

And do we really need to hurry?

Stop … Listen … Watch … Breath … Sit.

I love this,
Cleaning for a Reason

Conflict – change – cause – what happens next…

**
There is always a breeze. Some days it’s true wind, but it’s always there. It’s a reminder that things are, that life is in motion; that my life is in motion. When you look out to the west if you look high enough you only see sky. It’s the only view actually, no need to look any other way. The water is life and is a constant reminder that the motion of life is not in your charge and there are forces that just don’t care. But yet its beauty is breathtaking and to be anywhere else would be a loss and a mystery to me.

**
The view is great, but it’s not the one described earlier. It’s clear and clean and green. It’s a comforting view because it’s mine. The room is adequate and warm with just the right amount of stuff, books, soft chair, music… I like this space, it would be perfection if it faced water and came with a porch. But it’s good for now. It clips by with out awareness on my part really. I get up and go to work, I come home and it’s all at a certain time. But what to do with the need for my own time or how to get it?

**
Best or worse, both really are best. Except I suppose when you can’t see the water because of the weather of clouds or fog. But still you can hear it, you can sense that it is there and of course you know that it is there because it’s the one thing you can count on. You can smell it and feel it. The best day it is clear and blue and crisp. The worst day just requires a coat, a warm drink and the imagination to see what was there the day before.

**
I can’t even imagine icky. But I think or anticipate the arrival of friends. Something is cooking in the kitchen and the smell is behind me. The birds are talking and there is the occasional motor sound from a truck or car. Breath is intentional and has purpose. It is clear and keeps time a rhythm of peace and ease. Sometimes breathing takes on the movement of the waves and my eyes are gently closed listening to my surroundings. A neighbor walks or drives by and waves.

__________________

It would be the first full weekend that the house was ready for everything and everyone. Everyone had been there off and on for several weeks helping with the paint, unloading the boxes. But this weekend, this week actually will be the first official week at the beach for everyone. No work, just fun and play. I had always imagined this, but hadn’t actually imagined enough space for everyone to come at once. Five bedrooms on the beach. Well one was the attic that covered the length of the house and would be perfect for all the kids to throw sleeping bags or even throw up small tents. Or they could even put them in the back yard.

I thought I’d try something new. And for me that took a certain amount of bravery.

I recently asked if I could be part of the author set of a local blog. They said yes! Now I have to really pay attention, focus and do some serious writing. Fortunately, they don’t have quota’s or time line’s. You post when you have something or grab a topic and tie in Portland.

Even braver, in my opinion. My first post at OurPDX professionally puts me to task!

Maybe someone could ask him to retire? Please!!

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

I was going to write about something else, but this came up this week.

I’ve been paying for my own insurance since October of 2008. One of the perks of unemployment. COBRA was $500 a month. Not seeing any job with benefits in the near future I switched hoping to save some money and make my cushion last a bit longer.

I got some misleading information with that insurance and six months in found out that it was “short term”. Literally. Because I had recently all of a sudden after 48 years had high cholesterol. My doctor would say, “will do you blood work next time you and three other of my patients have the lowest cholesterol of all my patients.”

So when I went for my check up last year and they said that my blood sugar was a bit high I should see the nutritionist. So I did and changed my eating habits.

When I went back 3 months later my cholesterol had SHOT through the roof. WTF?! Oh, and my blood pressure was a bit high. Also previously perfect. What the hell did this nutritionist do to me.

I find out that my short term coverage with Assurant is “short” and useless because of the cholesterol and blood pressure, so I go online and apply to Providence Health Plan. I’ve had Providence before and for me it was good. It was $190, but better than $500.

I carefully looked at and check all the boxes, within the last five years has anyone had any medical advice for …

Now I had just recently heard on the news that someone had been denied insurance because she neglected to put it on her health statement. And I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of. And having Providence previously, they will have all my records anyway. Right?

Well I missed #32, a. Mental/emotional condition/depression, b. Therapy/counseling within last 5 years (if “Yes” record date of last session: Hmm, I even remember looking up when my last session was in April?

Now I’m not mental, I am emotional and I am blue most of the time. I think it’s my nature. And yes I have gone to therapy off and on for years. Good grief? What is wrong with that? Sometime you just need that objective outsider to help you keep things in perspective.

So why would I hide this? I have no reason to. But being the sly criminal that I must be (maybe should have had a different therapist) I lied on an application and now have no health care coverage.

The other part of this that is confusing to me is that I have been told in the past and believed that if you had continuous coverage you would be covered. No.

So I’m 49 years old and have had insurance of some sort for all of that. So I or someone have paid in a lot of money that like most insurance is never used just paid into the profit pool.

I have 30 days to appeal. Somehow I don’t think, it was an honest unintentional omission, will be acceptable.

May play it safe and just stay in until I re-establish coverage.

Happy New Year!

I listen to PDXSucks. People who actually love Portland. “We think Portland, Oregon is just about the finest city on the face of the earth. We’re just more than a little frustrated in the path that Portland seems to be taking to become a “big city” and we can’t keep quiet about it anymore.”

I frequently listen later, cause I’m not up at 8. One of my most favorite benefits of unemployment. But I do miss being able to interact in the little chat box with the show by not listening at 8. Today, 12/22, they talked about the death of Brittany Murphy. And I 100% absolutely agree with their conversation. The instant someone famous dies, it starts. Speculation.

Someone died. Someone that because of their profession many people are aware of. This person as they pointed out is some one’s daughter, cousin, niece, granddaughter and friend. And now her family and friends will forever have the week of Christmas when they lost a love one.

Speculation is mean, cruel and an opportunity for focus puller’s to grab some attention. I’ll call it the “Gloria Allred Syndrome”(GAS, how appropriate). People so desperate for attention that they will speculate on something that they can know nothing about in order to get on the news, get a book or the ultimate a show about nonsense on a plethora of cable channels.

How about this, she died. We won’t know the cause of death for 4-6 weeks. At that point if the family is inclined to release the results we will know. And this was her career…list some of her 40 plus movies, “Clueless”, Girl, Interrupted, Sidewalks of New York”, “8 Mile”, “Just Married”, “Sin City”. Or even some of the televisions shows she was in or added voice to, “King of the Hill”.

Brittany Murphy actress and singer born November 10, 1977 died on December 20, 2009. Then list several of her movies and if I were writing this (and I am) discovered in the movie “Little Black Book”, that she can sing. I found her voice quite nice. Then again got to hear her in Happy Feet. And due to a battle over the song rights and now her death, we won’t see her in a biopic about Janis Joplin.

Yes she was a public figure. Yes she chose a career that put her in the spotlight. But she was a person and had a life and a family. Doesn’t that somehow allow her some level of privacy when it comes to the most intimate part of her life? Like her death? It’s times like this that I become embarrassed for some.

Yes, I’m interested in people and what they do, but not to this degree. This is just cruel.

Last time I was unemployed I went to Truthout everyday. That was 2003.

Blog ideas were running through my head this morning and I was headed in a particular direction. Is Twitter a tool for shameless creepy self-promotion? For a few, I say yes. I signed into Twitter, March 30, 2008. At the time I will admit, that I didn’t exactly get it or know what it was, or if I would even use it. Therefore the Twitter handle @jgx. Turns out with the 140-character limit the short handle is perfect.

I don’t follow a lot of people. And I don’t have a lot of follower’s. Which is fine with me. For me it’s not a popularity contest. I don’t need to be popular. In September of 2008 when I really started using Twitter, the race was on. People where nuts!! Falling all over each other to get followers AT all costs. And they took it personally if you didn’t follow them. In some cases (one in particular for me) take great offense to unfollow. I got a curt little note sent to me in facebook after the unfollow. Well I had unfollowed them so how else where they to verbally beat me up one last time?

My opinion, for some Twitter is all about self-promotion. In some cases annoyingly so. For some it has become a tool to help those in need. For some, it is the selfless desire to do something for the greater good. I’m talking about Thirty Hour Day. (previous post)

So I was thinking about what makes people do things like this? What was it that just a few weeks three people decided to have a 30 hour live podcast to raise money for local charity. No really! Just a few weeks ago!

This goodness should be collected and put in a shot and a required immunization.

And a friend from high school on facebook post’s a link to a great article on TruthOut, Bringing the World Out of Denial: The Power of Passion, The Fallacy of Fear. It says what I wanted to say.

The entire article is linked to the title, but I pulled a few paragraphs here.

“In my opinion, there is only one force that can erase this self-protecting, laissez faire attitude towards critical global challenges, or any critical change for that matter: the energy of unbridled passion. This creative force is so powerful that it evaporates fear from the deepest level of the human spirit and can literally change the world.”

“Every one of us is born with this need. This can result in human efficiencies beyond 90 percent. Have you ever engaged in an activity so inspiring that you lost track of time and your desire for food, water or sleep?”

“How do we instill such passion? I think there are three components that must be present. First, and foremost, the challenge must appeal to a person’s need to help the “greater good.”

“People must perceive and believe deep down that they are part of a team that will change the world for the better. That is the magic.”

Creative and innovative people no longer work well under autocratic command and control. That world is gone forever. At this critical juncture, we desperately need a few courageous leaders stimulating people around the planet with the passion necessary to create a safer, more rewarding future for all.”

Magic