Jan 14 2011

Most days, everyday actually, my heart aches. And I ask, what do I do about that?

Somewhere along the way, in my opinion, things have become askew. The health and welfare of those around us are lost in mean spirited, self-serving conversation.

I’ve been interviewing for jobs lately. And I find myself saying, I’m a stickler for accountability. But I know in my heart, in my brain that most people are not and won’t be accountable for their actions or words. That they will tout it is a personal responsibility for people to not act violently or act out in anyway because of something they said. Pointing their finger, they did it I didn’t do it.

Words and actions have consequences whether we like it or not. If you have ever been influenced by someone, good or bad. You then have to understand that your actions, your words can and will be used in some manner to justify someone else’s actions.

Some one sells a box of ammunition to someone. They plug it into a semi automatic gun take it to a grocery store and spay 15 or 33 bullets into a crowd. Who is responsible?

I don’t think guns should be so easily obtainable. I think they should be sold at a police station. And if they are going to be sold, do we really need semi-automatic guns that shoot’s 100’s of bullets at the single pull of a trigger?

And I certainly question a place selling bullets, but not birth control. But then there’s that pro-life/pro-birth conversation. If people truly believed in “pro-life” then they would do something to improve the resources to help care for the child after birth instead of letting them, go hungry and with out health care. That’s not pro-life! If life starts in the womb, then it certainly shouldn’t stop at birth.

If guns are for sport, then the sport should be to have to be a good shot and not be able to just spray the fucking land and by chance hit something. How about a bow and arrow? How about a shot gun that you have to reload after one shot.

What is the purpose and need for a semi-automatic weapon?

I have 4 small children in my life. They aren’t biologically mine in any way. But I am enough part of their life that I am more than worried about their future.

At 3 & 4 we worry now that they watch to much TV. Or that they don’t eat the right foods. Or that they don’t understand consequences and that their actions are of no consequence.

In 10 or 15 years will we be worried that they are carrying the right gun to school with them so that they won’t be teased because it’s too small or too old. Will we have to worry that they can do anything they want to anyone because there are no consequences to anyone’s actions. That we live in a world were we no longer value each other, the value of life and the value of community.

I used to be able to say, “boy am I glad I don’t have kids.” Well I can’t really say that anymore, but what am I to say or do to make a difference?

It overwhelms me like when I think about the stars and space and what is out there. I have to shake myself back to reality. But I don’t think I like very much the reality that is around the corner.

The Daily Show


Dec 15 2010

Am I a Neo-Communist?

I’d like to think that I’m just a human. But then I guess that unless we define ourselves into rigid oblivion how can we exist in society together? Sigh….

By doing this. Writing this, I guess I’m not much different from the people I intend to quote here. I’m hoping that I can write this in a way that articulates my thoughts and don’t pass judgment on the writer’s or the target of their judgement. Elizabeth Edwards, who passed away December 7.

According to several posts Elizabeth Edwards posted this farewell on her facebook page.

“You all know that I have been sustained throughout my life by three saving graces—my family, my friends, and a faith in the power of resilience and hope. These graces have carried me through difficult times and they have brought more joy to the good times than I ever could have imagined. The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered. We know that. And, yes, there are certainly times when we aren’t able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It’s called being human. But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful. It isn’t possible to put into words the love and gratitude I feel to everyone who has and continues to support and inspire me every day. To you I simply say: you know.
With love, Elizabeth

Blogger Donald Douglas writes; “Being anti-religion is cool, so Edwards’ non-theological theology gets props from the neo-communists,” he said. “Still, at her death bed and giving what most folks are calling a final goodbye, Elizabeth Edwards couldn’t find it somewhere down deep to ask for His blessings as she prepares for the hereafter? I guess that nihilism I’ve been discussing reaches up higher into the hard-left precincts than I thought.” My question, is being a jerk cool?

Who knows? Maybe she did, but felt that aspect of her belief is/was personal and NO ONE, not ONE of us needed to have that information. Nor should we ask for that personal of a statement. Think about it, the rest of her life was out there. Maybe she wanted something for herself. Or for herself and her children. And not for Donald Douglas. But he made a statement, blogged it and several people commented. The comments are an extremely sad display of humanity. Who taught us to be so cruel. I can’t seem to comprehend the level of straight up mean cruelty that people will write in response about another human being. And so many commenting anonymously.

My first thought about all of it was, well who is she to think that she could ask that? For eternal life or a blessing. Like who am I to ask God to “bless Amercia?” Who am I to ask anything like that of a God or deity? An earlier quote of Elizabeth Edwards makes perfect sense to me. “I have, I think, somewhat of an odd version of God,” Edwards explained to an audience of women bloggers when asked how her beliefs inform her politics. “I do not have an intervening God. I don’t think I can pray to him — or her — to cure me of cancer. I appreciate other people’s prayers for that [a cure for her cancer], but I believe that we are given a set of guidelines, and that we are obligated to live our lives with a view to those guidelines. And I don’t believe that we should live our lives that way for some promise of eternal life, but because that’s what’s right. We should do those things because that’s what’s right.”

I went to the google for some definition to neo-communist. The Urban Dictionary says, A Neo-Communist per.se is pretty easy to define and hard at the same time. Great, that helps! Along with; A democrat. A person who wants to tax YOUR pants off and give the money to bums, bindlestiffs, and Jesse Jackson’s Rainbow Coalition. And :a current liberal (progressive) espousing communism without using its name. 2:a liberal advocating redistribution of your money in the manner they themselves think best; neo-com money not considered money in this case. A neo-communist will take your wealth but not the wealth of the future neo-comm leaders. Who is behind this Urban Dictionary? Maybe they should call it, make up words and make up shit to define your made up words. I have no idea what any of that meant. If you do, please help me out. Make a comment below. Oh and anonymous posts will not be acknowledged.

Back to the point of this post. The old conversation in my head. Religion, what am I? Where do I fit in religiously, spiritually? To be honest. I don’t think I’ve heard anyone in many years speak so closely in such a short statement to what may give insight to my belief system. We should do things because it’s the right thing to do. Be fair. Be generous. Be present. Be descent. Don’t judge. “And, yes, there are certainly times when we aren’t able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It’s called being human.”

The last few months have been challenging. Many unanswerable questions. Denial, denial, bargaining, denial, denial.

I don’t intend to mock other’s beliefs here, but it will probably sound that way. I’m on Facebook. And I like many of you I am sure find it very interesting what people will post. All the varied “I am …this…post on your status if you are too.” Ones that really got my attention where; “I’m a Christian…repost if you are” and “I believe in Jesus Christ…respost if you do”. I admire those friends who are so open about that part of their life. I guess I was a long time ago too, but not anymore.

I’ve had sitting in draft my own version of that but I don’t paste it because I’m afraid it would offend those who are proud of their belief and post, I am a christian, or I believe in God. So here is my status post.

I am a human and not ashamed to say it!! Let’s see how many people on FB aren’t afraid to show their love for humans and accept each and everyone as they are! Each time you see this on someone’s status, think of all the goodness that exists!! Let’s get compassion in this country like it should be!!! If you agree, post this in your status update just copy and paste.

Yeah, I’m not brave. Haven’t posted that yet. It’s not that I’m afraid to put it out there. Like I said, I don’t want to offend anyone. My faith is in the people around me. The amazing circle of friends that are my circle. The people that I would do anything for. Even, if I were capable, change the course of fate, walk away, give up anything for some to still be here. But then that would be giving myself, making myself more important than I am. Somehow imagining that I have the arrogance to affect the set of guidelines that are before us. I know I can’t change that.

From David Gibsons article, Edwards said she had to move on from such magical and negative thinking, and she quoted a line from the Bill Moyers PBS special on the Book of Genesis, to the effect that “You get the God you have, not the God you want.”

She went on to say, “The God I wanted was going to intervene. He was going to turn time back. The God I wanted was — I was going to pray for good health and he was going to give it to me,” she said. “Why in this complicated world, with so much grief and pain around us throughout the world, I could still believe that, I don’t know. But I did. And then I realized that the God that I have was going to promise me salvation if I lived in the right way and he was going to promise me understanding. That’s what I’m sort of asking for . . . let me understand why I was tested.”

That’s what I think. Again, who am I to ask….

Religion as a noun is; a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, esp. when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.

Maybe I’m a Humanist?

Secular Humanism is a non-theistically based philosophy which promotes humanity as the measure of all things. It had its roots in the rationalism of the 18th Century and the free thought movement of the 19th Century.

Some factors that most Humanists share:
~Either they do not believe in the existence of a deity, or have no opinion, or don’t care about the topic. ( that seems harsh )
~They believe that excellent codes of behavior and morality can be created through reason.
~They believe that humans created the many thousands of Gods and Goddesses in their own image.
~They are very concerned about human rights and equal opportunities for all. ( sounds good )

They tend to be at the liberal end of the spectrum on such controversial topics as abortion access; equal rights for gays, lesbians, amd bisexuals; transgendered persons and transsexuals (GLBT); same-sex marriage, physician assisted suicide, separation of church and state, etc.

Okay, so not really me. But almost.

All that I read and all my thoughts and life as it has passed by me over the last few years. I find myself here again, Buddhism.

“One fundamental belief of Buddhism is often referred to as reincarnation — the concept that people are reborn after dying. In fact, most individuals go through many cycles of birth, living, death and rebirth. A practicing Buddhist differentiates between the concepts of rebirth and reincarnation. In reincarnation, the individual may recur repeatedly. In rebirth, a person does not necessarily return to Earth as the same entity ever again. He compares it to a leaf growing on a tree. When the withering leaf falls off, a new leaf will eventually replace it. It is similar to the old leaf, but it is not identical to the original leaf.”

The Three Trainings or Practices:

1.Sila: Virtue, good conduct, morality. This is based on two fundamental principles:
~The principle of equality: that all living entities are equal.
~The principle of reciprocity: This is the “Golden Rule” in Christianity — to do onto others as you would wish them to do onto you. It is found in all major religions.

2.Samadhi: Concentration, meditation, mental development. Developing one’s mind is the path to wisdom which in turn leads to personal freedom. Mental development also strengthens and controls our mind; this helps us maintain good conduct.

3.Prajna: Discernment, insight, wisdom, enlightenment. This is the real heart of Buddhism. Wisdom will emerge if your mind is pure and calm.

And there are “The Four Noble Truths”;
Dukkha: Suffering exists
Samudaya: There is a cause for suffering
Nirodha: There is an end to suffering
Magga: In order to end suffering, you must follow the Eightfold Path

What I want to say is this. Be kind and speak of others as you wish to be spoken of. Believe what you believe. I won’t question you, so don’t question me. Be generous with your kindness. I think karma is real. Don’t question others intentions unless you were present and they shared those intentions or thoughts with you.


Nov 1 2010

Communication (a ramble, a vent if you will)

I don’t remember the name of the game, but you might? You sat in a circle and one person started. You whispered something in the ear of the person next to you and then they in turn repeated what you said to them in the ear of the person next to them. Not you again of course, but the other side.

Did you play that game?

Did your story make it around that circle in tact? I’m going with, no.

Maybe not enough people played that game when they were young. Maybe I and the small group that did play that game were the only ones? Because at almost 50 years old, I am still amazed and surprised that some think that the best way to communicate.

This recently happened to me and it involved a very complicated process that I had about 2 hours worth of training 6 month ago for. A process that according the the training, if not done correctly “can result in massive fines and criminal exposure”. Yet those in charge think that a couple hours of online training and a power point deck can protect them from massive fines and criminal exposure.

Two years ago I had a situation, two actually. A he said, he said and a she said, she said. Right, a couple of my favorite things. So I gave everyone the opportunity to clear the air. Two of them sitting in front of me, opening the opportunity to be fair and not point any fingers. Yeah, that didn’t work either.

Some how it’s a smart thing to do, to put someone in the middle who has half the information and communicate for the other’s in the mix. You know so that it can get even more cloudy and removed from what is really being said or needs to be done.

Basically what I am saying is I am more than willing to communicate what I am doing to all involved. But I can not know what one person is thinking or why the other person isn’t on the same page, then step in and try to communicate the first persons message to the second person.

See!! CRAP, that doesn’t even make sense! Fastest point from A to B? A TO B!!!

Now I’m thinking about that quote, “the buck stops here.” I’ve always been that way. Maybe because I’m from Missouri and grew up not far from Independence where Harry Truman lived. Maybe I should pass it more? Even when I know what the hell is going on.

Mickey, if you and Minnie had conversation and you then you told me one thing and Minnie told me something else. Mickey is it really my responsibility to tell Minnie what you said? Or maybe shouldn’t you have that conversation again, the one I didn’t hear so that you are on the same page?

If it has the potential to damaging, or costly, I suggest you two talk again and leave me out of it.

Let me just say this. If you are a business and have a process that can open your company up to fines and criminal exposure. I suggest you hire experienced trained individuals to do that work. At the very least send them to training that last’s longer than 2 hours and require they get some kind of certification.

Call me crazy, I’m just say’n.


Oct 3 2010

Coordinates

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For other uses, see the Nile (disambiguation).

Coordinates: 30°10′N 31°6′E

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For other uses, see deNial (also maybe disambiguation)

Coordinates: 45°31′12″N 122°40′55″W

“…There is a grace in denial. It is nature’s way of letting in only as much as we can handle.” I’m fine with that.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross


Sep 3 2010

hmm…

I’d like to write something, but can’t seem to get the words together.

Colette

Maybe later…

…okay, its a start.

In my nearly 50 years of life, I have read, experienced and explored many concepts and philosophies of religions. I was raised in a traditional Christian home. For me traditional means right down the middle, neither too much or too little. I for a time in high school, by my own definition, went off the deep end a bit. And became a bit of a zealot passing judgment onto others. Then I woke up. I looked at Judaism, Hinduism, Sufism, A Course In Miracles, Agnosticism, (albeit weak) and Buddhism. Although I have not formerly or officially studied beyond my own exploration, my sensibilities align me somewhere in a Buddhist way of thinking or being. As far as where I am today, a true definition is a bit blurry.

Somewhere along the way I came upon this and copied it down. I sent it to Colette, I believe on the day of her last chemo in August of 2009. She was never afraid of her light. She did not play small. She gave others permission to shine.

“It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel unsure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~Williamson

You are powerful beyond measure. Your beauty is the light that is your strength. You are gorgeous, talented and fabulous. Your confidence cast’s aside the insecurities of other. You create such joy.

It was such an honor and privilege to call her friend. She and Michael welcomed me into their home, their family and I am forever changed. And forever dedicated to her children as they grow and become living examples of her love, devotion, confidence, talent and brilliance.


Jul 31 2010

NaBloPoMo – Green?

National Blog Posting Month. Different than National Write a Novel Month. This is every month and they give you a theme.

Got the email today. I’m thinking I can’t avoid this month.

A message to all members of NaBloPoMo

Hey, bloggers! The theme for August is GREEN. I hope this will open up some doors for the gardeners, painters, and photographers amongst us, as well as those with other green planetary thoughts to share.

If you’d like to give daily posting a shot this month, you’ll want to be on the blogroll with your compatriots! Click here and follow the instructions at the top of the page. Proclaim your green intentions with an August HTML badge on your sidebar, which you can find here. (Badges for those who completed July are here!)

OK, then! Let’s get started!


Mar 20 2010

MA for Language

“We need other people, not in order to stay alive, but to be fully human: to be affectionate, funny, playful, to be generous. How genuine is my capacity for love if there is no one for me to love, to laugh with, to treat tenderly, to be trusted by? I can love an idea or a vision, but I can’t throw my arms around it. Unless there is someone to whom I can give my gifts, in whose hands I can entrust my dreams, who will forgive me my deformities, my aberrations, to whom I can speak the unspeakable, then I am not human, I am a thing, a gadget that works but has no ashes. ~Prather

It’s back she said, it was raw and as painful as anything I had heard in a long time. In my mind this isn’t how it was to play out.

Bone cancer.

Chemo, surgery, radiation… it was gone. Now it’s back

FUCK! (sorry Mom)

This is different. I’m lost to don’t know what to do.

I want everyone … to … slow … down.

Let’s not race to the next thing.

Let it wait for us.

Let’s not spread ourselves thin, let’s make it wide.

So what if you are late.

What is it really that we all have to get to?

Where is it that we are going?

And do we really need to hurry?

Stop … Listen … Watch … Breath … Sit.

I love this,
Cleaning for a Reason


Feb 21 2010

Narrative

Conflict – change – cause – what happens next…

**
There is always a breeze. Some days it’s true wind, but it’s always there. It’s a reminder that things are, that life is in motion; that my life is in motion. When you look out to the west if you look high enough you only see sky. It’s the only view actually, no need to look any other way. The water is life and is a constant reminder that the motion of life is not in your charge and there are forces that just don’t care. But yet its beauty is breathtaking and to be anywhere else would be a loss and a mystery to me.

**
The view is great, but it’s not the one described earlier. It’s clear and clean and green. It’s a comforting view because it’s mine. The room is adequate and warm with just the right amount of stuff, books, soft chair, music… I like this space, it would be perfection if it faced water and came with a porch. But it’s good for now. It clips by with out awareness on my part really. I get up and go to work, I come home and it’s all at a certain time. But what to do with the need for my own time or how to get it?

**
Best or worse, both really are best. Except I suppose when you can’t see the water because of the weather of clouds or fog. But still you can hear it, you can sense that it is there and of course you know that it is there because it’s the one thing you can count on. You can smell it and feel it. The best day it is clear and blue and crisp. The worst day just requires a coat, a warm drink and the imagination to see what was there the day before.

**
I can’t even imagine icky. But I think or anticipate the arrival of friends. Something is cooking in the kitchen and the smell is behind me. The birds are talking and there is the occasional motor sound from a truck or car. Breath is intentional and has purpose. It is clear and keeps time a rhythm of peace and ease. Sometimes breathing takes on the movement of the waves and my eyes are gently closed listening to my surroundings. A neighbor walks or drives by and waves.

__________________

It would be the first full weekend that the house was ready for everything and everyone. Everyone had been there off and on for several weeks helping with the paint, unloading the boxes. But this weekend, this week actually will be the first official week at the beach for everyone. No work, just fun and play. I had always imagined this, but hadn’t actually imagined enough space for everyone to come at once. Five bedrooms on the beach. Well one was the attic that covered the length of the house and would be perfect for all the kids to throw sleeping bags or even throw up small tents. Or they could even put them in the back yard.


Jan 31 2010

Branching Out

I thought I’d try something new. And for me that took a certain amount of bravery.

I recently asked if I could be part of the author set of a local blog. They said yes! Now I have to really pay attention, focus and do some serious writing. Fortunately, they don’t have quota’s or time line’s. You post when you have something or grab a topic and tie in Portland.

Even braver, in my opinion. My first post at OurPDX professionally puts me to task!


Jan 29 2010

That’s me!

Something oddly familiar in this article.
http://ping.fm/34FzR
*Wilshire Credit

Posted via web from jgx’s posterous