Feb 4 2017

the lump in my throat

On Monday January 16th I met a coworker for the first time in our Seattle office. On Monday afternoon January 23rd her ex-boyfriend shot and killed her then killed him self in front of police and her 15 year old daughter. I didn’t know her personally but it affected me. It affected me in that way that seemed surprising. At least for me anyway.

I’ve been living life the last few years with a lump in my throat. It’s constant I always know it’s there. Then something like this happens and it grows a little. And I wonder, how am I going to manage it? How do I not cry all the time?

How have we come to this place?

I can’t wrap my head around much these days. I don’t understand how or why humans aren’t taking care of each other? I can’t wrap my head around why people, because of race, because of religion or because of differences, hate. Yes, it feels like hate. And how did that seep into the White House with a man who by his actions, is full of fear and hatred, no diplomacy, disrespectful and to say the least troubling beyond a level of comprehension. My opinion of course.

I also can’t wrap my head around how so many are so easily pulled down a narrow, fact less world and make or take opinion facts and push on completely blind to the reality. Your opinion is just that if it is not based on fact. Why do I see hate in their anger?

One action, one incident does not a person make. Are you ready for that? But character? Now that is a different concept. And we do seem to have a skewed perception of character, “the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual”.

Many a friend on Facebook have taken to the streets, taken to calling Senator’s, writing letters, making phone calls, all in an effort to save and preserve the rights that so many before us worked so hard for. I am too, and I will not stop. And yet this seems to be lost on many. Yes, even giving you the right to spread and invoke the demoralizing hate and lies you will so easily share as truth.

I fear we have left respect in the past. We care not about our neighbor, our foe. Our humanity is in flux. Somehow it’s become, I am the way.

Currently, in my opinion, we have the most unbelievably disrespectful, unpopular individual with no diplomatic experience or understanding leading us where? I find nothing distinctive about his character. Some of your work to divert attention by your continued hatred of our last president or the past with blatant lies is old and tired, the anger is useless and a bit ugly. It feels like an acknowledgement of your fear and lack of interest in understanding in the bigger picture. It is a ‘yuge’ pile of lies coming from the likes of individuals most of us wish still only existed in movies and bad television. Attempting to divert everyone’s attention from what this man is actually doing to our country, good luck. There are many watching, reading and paying more attention than you are. Many who whether you want to believe it or not are fighting for you as well. We all have too much access and are too smart to be victim of a gaslighting and have much to lose.

The falsehoods and blatant lies that continue to be feed will get us nowhere. I questions true intentions along with the potential demise of our basic rights and freedoms. These things that some share, says more about them than I think they realize. Your freedoms are at risk more than you understand. They may align with your opinion, this does not make them right for the greater population or the greater good. Denigration should not be a course of action.

I don’t like a lot of things that a lot of people do or say, but I don’t hate any one. And this I do not understand, this I don’t think I want to understand. How is it that we can departmentalize and not take care of everyone, only those some/you “deem” worthy. Are you okay with being unworthy? Are you okay with being on a list? I’m not. Therefore, I will do everything in my power to continue to support all humans without judgement, to be able to be and feel safe, to have life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Oh, and no longer read the comments sections of articles I read. My heart can’t take it.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing,” Frankl wrote in Man’s Search for Meaning, “the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” I chose grace, compassion and love. I choose us, not just me. The world is bigger than the small space I am in.

I will keep that lump in my throat as my barometer for love and compassion. And thank my mother and my father for raising me with the grace of a compassionate Gods love.


Sep 22 2015

Sticking My Neck Out

And I take full responsibility for my words and the consequences they may bring. Because I am certainly not perfect.

I see this posted here and there. That we, “need God in the schools”. We need God here or there.

I don’t think that we need God anywhere other than were he is already, or should be, in the hearts of millions of believers, period.

Would it really make a difference? I think not, since most of the hate and judgement that I see is from those who “quote” God and use him as the platform for a belief system that in my opinion is contrary to the God that I was raised on and learned about in the Christian Church.

I think about my youth and what I believed and what I thought about God, church and people. And I am glad that my Mom, Merle McConnell or whom ever was there to teach and build my foundation for belief were compassionate, open and not closed off or judgmental.

I realize that the path I was on in high school could have sent me in an entirely different direction. I honestly believe that I was on a path to persecute and judge those around me. God only knows why I thought that was my job. So thank you God or whom ever for keeping my mind open and curious and for taking no words for granted.

In my opinion, if we are to be true believers then God says a few things about that. I don’t need to list a line of scripture here because most of you, apparently spend more time in the bible than I do these days. I think you know what I am talking about. Love others as I have loved you. Turn the other cheek. Judge not lest you be judged. But maybe some of you should go back and read the entire book consider the context and the time it was written. But that’s just me.

If we have God in our hearts and minds then how should that translate in how we treat all of God’s children? No, seriously. I’m asking. If we love God, how do you show him your love?

Let me cheat here a little bit here with this quote because I love it!

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So back to my question. Would it really make a difference and what do you mean, we need God in schools or here or there? I was thinking, we added God to the Pledge of Allegiance in the 50’s and look where we are today.

Do we need to have it in front of us all the time to remember? On the wall, in a book, over the door that we or our kids walk through? Flashing at us at every corner like a walk/don’t walk sign? Is that really going to make a difference?

Are we so weak that unless we have it in our face every day like a Kardashian that we are unable to just be the loving, caring, compassionate beings that God created us to be….if he in fact created us?

Here’s more trouble.

If he did create us in his image, how is it that we (or some of us) feel that his image is vengeful and judgmental. That any of us truly no what his intentions were? Go ahead, place scripture reference here.

If we are to believe this, then how is it that we can judge those we know nothing about by actions reported in the media, liberal or otherwise. By nuance or innuendo? Do we blindly believe what others say just because if fits what we think is right or wrong? Oh and don’t get me started on right or wrong! Cause I’m thinking, some of what some of you think as right or wrong, in my opinion are not for you and I to decide.

If we are to believe this(or if I am to believe this), how is is that we believe venomous hateful speech from a few who have been given an open forum to judge, denigrate and splash hate at those different than the skewed version of a human they believe we should all be.

Sometimes I login to that place call Facebook and leave crying for the things I see or read that others have written or shared.

Because if you deem yourself in a position to judge and condemn, in my opinion how can you say you believe in God. Again, not the God I learned about growing up.

Someone said a while back that they where going to worry more about what God thought of them than others here on earth right now. Well, yeah I guess. Since God will judge you on judgement day. Don’t you think that he will look at you and question how you spoke about or treated his other children? To me this is ironic? Or contradictory or actually kinda crazy at best.

If there is a God. I too worry what he will think of me if those gates are real and they are pearly. Will he say, good job! Or will he say, you disenfranchise the poor. Kicked those who were down. Passed judgement on those you knew nothing about. Robbed the poor and stole from the blind. And twisted my words so out of context that I’m even afraid of your judgement of me. Your call I guess based on what kind of God you believe in.

I don’t know anything. Never have, never will. But I have to believe that if there is a God, he wants us to love and care for one another. That there should be no discrimination of that love that all of his children are worthy of that love, just as he has loved us. But what I am I to believe with so many clergy or people who present themselves a Godly are the ones casting the most judgment and just being down right mean. What has happened to them that they have such fear?

I see so much hatred. So much judgement. And for what? No seriously! For what?

I think we need God in our hearts and minds. Act like we are servants of him and treat one another with compassion, kindness and the love we all deserve. Yes, there will be people who will tempt and test you…just remember what Jesus did or said to those who tested and tempted him.

If we are to not believe this, then what are we to believe?

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