About 2 months ago I was at the grocery store, Fred Meyer’s. I found a wad of cash on the floor. I picked it up and walked directly to the front of the store to the customer service desk. While I waited my turn I counted, $96.

It’s my turn and I say, I found this on the floor back by the milk. She counts it, $96. Plugs in a bunch of number’s and codes into the register and hands me a receipt. If it’s still here in 30 day’s it’s yours she says. Wow, cool! Any day an extra $96 is cool, but I’m unemployed.

Almost 30 days pass. I think there are two more days. I’m there so I figure I’ll just check. Yep, someone claimed it almost immediately after I turned it in.

Today I went to WinCo. I’ll just say the crowd at WinCo, usually looks a bit different than the Freddies crowd and certainly the New Seasons shoppers. But they have the same stuff and it’s cheaper…still unemployed.

I grab a few things, check out, get a bit of cash and bag my goods. You bag your own at WinCo. I must not have gotten my little wallet into my pocket so when I got to the car I noticed it gone. I quickly checked the bags, the inside of the car, shopping cart, the bags and trace my steps back into the check-out line I left.

I ask the woman, of anyone turned in a small black wallet. In the last…10 minutes…that’s all the longer I was gone really. No, did you check customer service? In line … wait … wait … did anyone turn in a wallet? No. Back outside to check bags and car again. Back inside, no wallet. I give them my name and number.

That was about 4 hours ago now.

Debit card gone and canceled,
Driver’s license gone, new one tomorrow $30
Insurance card gone,
Nordstrom gift card gone $50.
Visa gift card gone $50,
Starbucks Gold card canceled and transferred to a new card,
Eight or so stamps gone,
$20 cash gone,
cute little wallet,
Police report filed.

I’m still glad I turned in that $96.


another 48 Hour Film Project

Genre ~ Buddy Film,
Character ~ Brian or Brianna Merryweather, Lab Technician,
Prop~ Picture Frame,
Line of dialogue~ “For crying out loud!”

Three cars, four actor’s, eight crew.

don't speak...don't speak! rant

Oh to walk away…

Sometimes you try to do just the best that you can. Sometimes you just do what you think is best. Sometimes you give a bit too much. You attempt a balance. And then you realize that the world is full of … of … well, PEOPLE! And one person of no significance is a straw that breaks or weakens the camel’s back.

Yes, I know. I “let” them get me. I think maybe if I had an agenda, things would be different. But I don’t have that kind of drive. These “people”, these character’s that surround me. These people that test my resolve, my contribution …

I just want to walk away!

a path to nothing

I think I’m caught in the middle of this place. I live in Oregon, the most passive aggressive place on the planet. Sorry, but its’ true. Besides, around here…who’s going to challenge that? Really?

I was born in Missouri, and I’ve traveled to almost every state. So I think that travel has created within me a balance of the passive and the aggressive. I would not say that I am aggressive at all. God I hope not. If you think I am, tell me and I’ll fix that right away. But I’m not passive either. Life is a bit too short, actually. There is nothing wrong with a straight yes or no.

It is an odd place to be. Kind of in this place that could be a world of options open and ready for me. And everyone passively thinking about maybe responding to my interests in these options.

Then again, the options seem slim to none. I think more than anything, the problem is I’m not interested in the options. I like a lot of things that I have done. I have some well-crafted skills and experience. But none of them are strong enough to move me into something new. Or even where I’ve been for that matter? I know, strange huh?

I would be remiss if I said that anything about what I’ve done or what I think I can do holds any interest at all for me. I said in a previous post that I do nothing better than anyone I think I know. I know that some people don’t believe me when I say that or they say, you would be board to tears. Boredom doesn’t bring me to tears.

In the truest since of the word I have done ‘nothing’ for the last 10 months. At least in my opinion, what most people would qualify as nothing. I’ve read, updated Twitter and Facebook, read about Twitter and Facebook. Watched the news, listened to music, gone to coffee shops and attempted to write. Or finish that novel I started last November. Drop out of the social media scene temporarily and wrote more. (Dropping again by the way! PEOPLE!) I’ve been in a couple of classes at PSU, a few Friday’s here and there. Social Media Club meetups, AIGA events, cleaned out some closets, storage and dumped a bunch of stuff at charities.

So that seems really not like nothing, but in my 48 year old brain, I haven’t done anything because I don’t have a paying job. And more than anything if I could figure out a way to swing it, I would not have a job. I would continue to do just what I have been doing. But no one is going to pay me to do nothing.

All this stuff I’ve done, I’ve done on my own time, my own schedule. No one has said, I need this now or I need this, period. Or what have you done this week? What are your numbers? What’s your plan for next week? …nothing.

don't speak...don't speak!

posting it here … no turning back

I started peeling the paint off of my kitchen cabinets the other day. It was kind of like therapy in a way. I could, if patient and attentive, peel the paint off in one entire piece. It was kind of rubbery when it did come off. Of course if I went to fast it would break. But I could grab the next piece and continue. Here is a big piece of it I pulled from the trash. It’s very smooth. Almost like a very thin piece of vinyl. Very nice!

Under that is another layer, well let’s say several layers under the first. But they don’t seem to want to just roll off like the top layer. Now I don’t know my paint at all. Which in itself could be an entirely different post. But why did this first layer peel off so easily? Literally any nick would scratch the surface and you could peel away! My random guess, wrong kind of paint to cover what was there. Cause the rest, ain’t giving up that easily.

So why put all this here, every where? As mentioned earlier in another post at my blog. I have been wanting to repaint or redo the kitchen since shortly after I moved in. But it was good as it was so why take the time or the money.

Well, now I have so much time on my hands it’s crazy to not dig in. And I certainly can’t pay someone to do it. I’ve cleaned out the closets, storage and have purged the paper files. Threw out the tree’s that I brought home from my last job that had been filed under training and technology. RIght, poor tree’s! Interesting thing about that if they were actually able to implement some of their training, they might be great instead of pretty good. But then what do I know about business and sales…

Why post? If I put it here maybe someone will help keep me on track to finish. And as I get more paint off, I’ll post more pictures. Of course now that I’ve gone this far;

See and download the full gallery on posterous

There really is no turning back. As soon as that orange stuff has set a bit longer … I’m hoping it releases the paint to I can unhinge the doors? I hope? Why do people paint hinges?

Posted via email from jgx’s posterous

don't speak...don't speak! rant

The Perils of Unemployment

Being unemployed means you have 40 extra hours a week to fill with something.  I have a lot of free time.  Problem is, I like it.  I do “nothing” better than anyone I know.  Mainly because I can do “nothing” for a very long time and love every minute of it!  Besides, you can only job search so many hours a day.  And networking is lunch, dinner or if you’re lucky just a drink!

I was laid off last September. I knew it was coming long before September. There’s no place in a box, with high walls and excel spread-sheet to fill out for a crazy right brainer like me.


Although I think that I do well in that world and have a nice balance. But I’m about relationships, the company I was with was about the transaction. Ca-Ching!

Since September I attempted to write a novel. Still working on that actually. I think the core of the story was too much about my life to keep me interested. I haven’t had a bad life, but it hasn’t been one big party after another either. And, I guess, you know I’ve heard it all before. I know how it played out, so no need to hash it all out again. Nothing will change from it. And I couldn’t spin it enough to make it interesting enough I guess to keep me.

I attempted a career shift, tried to become a social media…something? Not an expert. That takes 10,000 hours. Not a guru, for me that implies following. Even though that’s what Twitter is about, don’t really want people following me. Practitioner feels to medicinal. I put on LinkedIn Social Media Wrangler. I spent the last 10 months reading, exploring and deep diving into the social media space. I have a bunch of accounts.  Even have my own Poken, do you?  Some of those accounts are listed here. A lot of places to be huh?  My list of social media is a FRACTION of that.  But some days too many.  I’m still not as glued to it as I was.  Twitter was down day before yesterday.  That’s what I heard.  Didn’t even know it until later that night.

I belong to Social Media club. I Twitter and FB for PSU and set up my friend at Bonneville Spa. But you see, these “social media” spots are either in the marketing or communications departments. Crazy me thinking that I could get a job in communications? It’s so specialized. How dare I step outside my box! Right. Not in a box, never have been. But my past “title’s” are defining me and have me square in the middle of a box.  Maybe that’s why I’ve thrown so many away in the last couple of weeks while purging?


I started cleaning out closets and purging boxes and storage. After several trips to Goodwill, ARC and the Community Warehouse, I’ve gone from two full storage units to one almost full. I have a few things left to shred and recycle.  But have to wait for them to empty the big dumpster’s around the complex.  Seems I’m not the only one.


Got my car cleaned up to sell. Time to get off my ass. Besides, the $500 a month that I’ll save and the cash in the bank from the sale will make unemployment a bit manageable incase it’s a few more month before I do find work.

for sale $11,000

Now I’m going to attempt to do what I’ve wanted to have done since I moved into my condo. The kitchen cabinets have about 27 layers of paint on them. So many in fact that some of the doors don’t close for the paint on the hinges.


I’m actually hoping that I kind of get started, find a job and then can pay someone to finish it! 😉

Although selling the car will allow me to hold off and not just take any job. Of course with unemployment if I get offered a job I have to take it. But no on is offering so I’m not worried about that.

I don’t however think I have the skill and ability to finish that cabinet job…

creative don't speak...don't speak!

Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot | PBS

I am loving this interview!

Posted via web from jgx’s posterous

creative don't speak...don't speak!

Ever ~ After

One of my favorite movies is a recent version of Cinderella, Ever After with Drew Barrymore. I have lots of favorite movies and dislike that question, “What’s your favorite movie?” There are too many for too many reasons.

Why Ever After? Because it’s just a kick ass version of Cinderella. I do remember my first with Lesley Ann Warren. In black and white of course. Cinderella or Danielle in Ever After, no matter what happens, no matter how bad it gets, no matter who tries to beat her down, she remembers who she is and how great she is. And at a point when she could have had her stepmother and sister thrown out of the country, or worse, she takes a lighter approach. If you want to call it lighter? Cinderella ask’s that they show her stepmother the same courtesy that she had bestowed on her. Off to the work camp!  🙂

But that’s not what I’m writing about. After the Prince has fallen in love with the “Comtesse Nicole de Lancret”, Cinderella. He says to her in the ruins, “I used to think that if I cared about anything I’d have to care about everything and I’d go stark raving mad.”

I remember sitting in my little apartment in Raytown, MO. It had to be 1981 or 82? Watching Philip Glass, “Koyaanisqatsi” and weeping when the image of an older man appears on the screen. He appeared to be homeless. I couldn’t stop crying. It was as if the value of every living being was all of a sudden on my shoulders.

I was trying to wrap my head around all this emotion and level of mean today.  Maybe I was looking for a distraction?  I was thinking about the number 9. A friend was into numerology a few years back and did my numbers. I only remembered 9. It may have been because that’s all she did at the time.

I recently created my 4th Twitter account. One is for some work that I’m doing so it’s not really my account. One is @4212Olive. The address of the house that my Dad grew up in and the house that holds or held many of the stories of his youth that I heard in my youth. There also where my Uncle, Aunt and of course Grandparents. Stories that I still hear 50 plus years later. Then I realized, 4+2+1+2=9. I know!!

O.k., Google search for numerology. Get your free reading, from a guy in Beaverton, OR? Near where I used to live. Sure! Then I got about 5 follow up email asking if I wanted more. Which was fine. That’s how he makes money. I kind of wish that was something I could just throw money at for fun right now. But I don’t think it fits into the budget of my unemployed status.

My life path is 9, of course. expression is 5, soul urge is 8. Here are few random sentences from the reading.

9 – You probably feel responsible for keeping up the morality or spirit of mankind in some way, or even responsible for their very souls. You are very aware of feeling as insignificant as a grain of sand in the Universe and believe that materialism, prejudice and lust just don’t matter in the long run. Often the number 9 faces a unique challenge at some point in his or her life that seems to be a test of faith. Usually this incident takes the form of a devastating personal loss, disease or some sort of tragedy. This triggers a period of time that lasts a few years that is often called the “dark night of the soul.” It is usually during this period of your life that you find the extreme courage and strength to become what is called a wounded healer. 

Your life may seem too tough to handle at times which makes you vulnerable to finding substitutes for the family unit.

5 – As your independence is so important to you, you thrive best in creative occupations that allow you a great deal of travel. You have an eye for design and appreciate the good things in life. In fact, you may spend a lot of your time trying to figure out how to get these things without having to work too hard. You very much believe that a person is defined by what he does and not what he wants to do so any business or project that you start will be very much branded with your personal flair. You are terrified of being stuck in one place or having your free spirit suffocated by labels and possessiveness. For this reason many of you feel quite suffocated in relationships or are unable to hold down a day job for any length of time. The last thing that could ever be said of you is that you are closed-minded. However, sometimes your permissiveness leads to relationships with odd or unstable individuals.

8 – Often your devotion to keeping the free exchange of money flowing costs you dearly personally either through overwork or thanklessness from others. The highest expression of your soul urge number is when you are at the top of the food chain and dispensing goodies down to those who work for you or love you. You are blessed with the tools that come in hand with being a great leader – foresight, analytical abilities and a great understanding of human nature. Your ability to sell ice to an Eskimo comes from a truly grounded and practical understanding of the wants and needs of humans. You are very astute when it comes to choosing partners and employees. You always assign people to roles that best suit their talents and resources and so that all benefit from your grand plans.

What does this all mean? I have no idea. But it does feel familiar.

I don’t know what I think about these types of things. They often seem to have some element of truth to them. Myer’s Briggs, Now, Discover Your Strength all of these random tests have truth to them, because they do describe parts of me.

But then I also believe a bit in that concept of predestination. That for the most part your life path is carved out for you. You may do things along the way that temporarily take you down another path. But ultimately you end up where you end up. You think you know what you want or where you want to be, but some one or some other force steps in front of you.

So I’m a bit stuck, but not really…#9, #5, #8. What’s next?

Ever After also says what I have believed forEver, you just never know.  So maybe a little more care in what you say to and about others.

don't speak...don't speak!

Too BRILLIANT not to share

This is Ben.  He belongs to my friends Jana and Bill who I met in Kansas City.  Kind of followed them to Portland, then they headed to LA for Hollywood success.  How did I get so lucky in the friend department?
This week they are on vacation visiting family.  Today on Facebook Jana posts this;
As Ben is holding his 5 month old cousin, he says, “Mom, do you know that babies know the secret to life.” I say, “yea” then he says, “yeah they know it until they are 2” I asked, “what happens then” he says, “they forget it”.

Posted via email from jgx’s posterous

don't speak...don't speak!

Portland Beaver’s!

Sent from my iPhone.
Forgive spelling errors. The phone thinks it knows how to spell.

Posted via email from jgx’s posterous

don't speak...don't speak!

A day of first’s

Sent from my iPhone.
Forgive spelling errors. The phone thinks it knows how to spell.

Posted via email from jgx’s posterous