Looking back, 4.20.18 #2

This one I feel is a bit risky, but here goes.

I am not having a very good day.

I am letting my brain and maybe my imagination takes over a bit.

I think I’d get it if weed made me paranoid and I’d been smoking, but I don’t smoke. And it’s been awhile since the lack of protein sets me off. (heh, wrote this on 4/20…)

I guess I have to put it out there (or here) so that it isn’t a reality.

But my gut is telling me that someone has said something that is sabotaging my job hunt. I don’t know why, but it just feels like it. It feels like that I go down a bit of a path and then it just stops. Silence. Crickets…actually not even crickets.

I know that people are busy. Even gave one the easy way out by saying she didn’t have to reply. Probably a mistake. But that seems like something I don’t even have to do. They just don’t reply. Even one who reached out to connect have a call then went dead silent. I think that one was the one that sent me down this path. Because it’s a company that someone recommended me to before who has, in my opinion, pulled away. Btw, reached out a second time to connect. Nothing.

In the past, my network has worked so well for me. Did being honest about this company or that person turn into my name on some sort of weird blacklist?

I can’t get my head out of it. Even told two friends last week in the biz that I thought that. I think they are the two I can trust? I hope?

But then as I think about it. Why would I want to work with people who discount me because I told the truth about something? It has to be the fear, for example, as to the reason for my one exit and how ridiculous it was that they don’t want it being told what was said to me. And how I’ve had one job since then and they have had 3 maybe 4.

I don’t know. Truly I’d rather never work with or be around most of them, but I do need to work. And I’m just not sure if that will happen.


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