I write a lot. But I rarely write here.
So I have decided, in an effort to put or get myself out there, I will move many of my “notes” to here so that the one or two people who might show up here randomly to read will have something new to read.
It also might help in the event that all other efforts to save said writing explode and everything is lost in the cloud…
So…here I go!
You very firmly believe what you believe is right. And to a certain degree believe that it is right for everyone. EVERYONE.
Think about that. I’ll wait.
You are you and I am me. I have opinions as well. Here is where I think there is a difference.
I don’t believe that everything I believe is right for everyone. Because everyone is not me.
I don’t have children so there are lots of things that I either pay taxes for or that I do for children because it’s the right thing to do.
I am not married so my taxes are different than my friends who are married. And different because I don’t have dependents. So I guess I put up with that because somehow that is different. Even though I don’t get it.
I have been unemployed several times in the last 20 years and I have taken advantage of services that as an employee I and my companies have paid into. And while unemployed it is my intention to not just take a “job” to get off unemployment. So I may exhaust my claim being strategic about my search risking the self-righteous saying I am being lazy while not knowing a single thing about me all because someone started a fable years ago about a person of color being a welfare queen. My opinion, this person does not exist.
You think that people using help from human services should have to drug screen to get the funds. Have you taken the time to read that is an enormous waste of the very money you are complaining about being spent? That the number of people or this does not affect the overall results? And if you think these people should be tested, what about the others you are paying the salary for, Senate, Congress, city, state officials, the President! What is the difference? Drug screen and background them all, then maybe we wouldn’t be where we are today. Corrupt up to the eyeballs.
Today I watched a woman be walked by her dog. Seriously. She went left the dog when right…so she went right. The dog stopped, she kept going…she stopped. She started to move the dog stayed…she stayed. She went right the dog went left…so she went left. Isn’t the person supposed to guide the dog on a walk?
Anyway.
I also notice on my walks the signs in my neighborhood. You can’t really walk a block without seeing it.
I think about it a lot. It’s content, it’s intent.
Love wins. Love will win. If we tried just a teeny bit harder. And in my opinion, until love wins, no one wins.
What does love mean? Have we overused the word? I don’t think so, we just need to be true to it. There are a lot of things that I don’t love, but I care enough to be respectful and kind. Being dismissive, mean, or condescending can only promote that. What we accept and tolerate is where we will be.
Sometimes when I think about this I get overwhelmed like when I’m in a place that is dark and at night I can look up at the stars and after a few minutes be taken by how far we are from the rest of everything. How sometimes we take for granted and see ourselves as superior to others. I also sometimes think, are we just the toys in a little girls doll house world in an galaxy far away and we are really ants.
I watch, read and hear what is out there. I think sometimes what you people say or post out there on the interwebs, says more about them than they actually recognize. I read name calling, referencing expletives when talking about another and usually someone I am pretty sure they don’t know. So you are taking the word of another that you don’t really know for speaking truth about someone they probably really don’t know either. But something that person has said or done in their own life somehow now has become the duty of the other person to pass judgement and dispersion, trial, jury and judge. We really are smarter than that. So what is it that gets you so?
Yes we do have a problem with accusation and innuendo, but how do we self correct?
I believe like our government, we have to get so low, go so far past rock bottom because we are entirely too stubborn to admit that we may not be right and that there may be another way.
Try this for a week, with everything you read, see or hear, may your first thought be, love wins. Then think how you feel about what you just read saw or heard.
How ‘bout it. Where do you want to be? If love doesn’t win, what does? If we don’t care enough, what happens? If we don’t care what is said about others how can we care about what is said about ourselves.
Like I said the other day, I’ll protect your voice if you protect mine. Let’s just make sure we are protecting a kinder and gentler voice. The same voice we want for ourselves one of compassion and love.
Love.

I saw this the other day.
And I thought…unless you are kneeling because you believe that people like yourself are being disenfranchised or the target of discrimination, then don’t.
What if we took that at face value, considered that belief or cause and gave it the same value we give certain things WE take for granted? Freedom for one.
We all want everyone to consider our cause our belief. SOME want everyone to fit into their box of values, my values, my belief, my right and wrong.
Guess what…that can’t work. And I don’t like the word can’t. Turn the table and imagine the person in your site that you are saying should shut up and play, or shut up and sing…turns that phrase on you. Do you really want all freedoms to have limits, restrictions and have levels of acceptance or approval beyond what they are? Honestly, why are you or better, what gives you the right to tell them to shut-up, stand up and be silent? Would you heed their ask? I think not…I know not. The reason you would not kneel is your right. A question, have you read and truly dug in to even try to understand this opposition? I mean really, really listened to understand?
Sometimes in life hard decisions are made. I believe that decisions that are potentially, life changing or affirming for most, are not taken lightly and great consideration is given. I’m also not so naive that I don’t believe that there are a few that aren’t. For someone to risk everything for a cause. That deserves more than mine or anyone’s judgement. It deserve the same consideration I would expect for my belief. Nothing less.
I make decisions for myself based on what is right and good for me and what will hurt no other. I am very certain that there is at least half of the country who believes or feels that some of my decisions are wrong. For individual personal decisions, I don’t believe in right or wrong. Or maybe more, not for me to say right or wrong. Now when I say this, please do not think or feel that I am in anyway more than or better than. The decisions that I make, 100% of them come from my heart and a place of compassion that I can only hope others hold for me. And for those who do not know me, I don’t think you get to say who you think I am, what I am or call me names that are derogatory and in the vain of names that I am certain you would not like to be called. Rethuglican, Libtard, names wrangled to some unsavory version, Obummer, Drumph, tRump, even snowflake. I mean seriously…really? Sticks and stones…. It’s not 1817 or even 1917. It’s 2017 and we can’t go back. And I’ll take snowflake any day over the alternative.
I can only know my immediate circle of people. People that I engage with daily or weekly. I can’t know anyone outside of that circle, or bubble if you prefer, that I have not had direct contact with. I can’t know how any other person experiences life in their space, shoes, world, what ever you choose to call it. I can’t know the hurt that is caused by some of the decisions that some make when they take a stand for something they believe in. But if I call out that person or persons, not fully understanding or having some level of compassion for them, then anything I might say against them is a judgment that I am now, or should not allow myself to espouse.
Some financially support this group or that group. Some strike out and march or write many, many, many letters in support or in opposition of a cause. If you are so certain about everything that you believe to be true that you believe to be good, and that somehow adds to the dismissal of another, try to think of an equivalent for yourself. What might send me to a march or protest? What might send you to your knee?
I am not a person of color. With that I have been given certain liberties that many do not have, period. I do not know what it’s like to be a person of color and see red flashing lights in the rear view mirror. I don’t know what it’s like to be a person of color and have someone follow me through a retail store. I don’t know what it’s like to be a person of color and have assumptions made about me by people I have never met who cannot know me.
People say respect this inanimate object because it means this, or respect this group of people with no thought of who is being disrespected. Maybe even inadvertently. No one owns respect. But I do know that it is earned. Know one owns freedom more than anyone else. Know one really get’s it just because. But I believe that some do. To say or be disrespectful to someone who is doing something you deem disrespectful…who owns that? Who owns that contradiction? And what makes you the authority on their cause? I don’t see a lot of understanding here. I see no thought truly given to the topic, just lots of anger the hints true discrimination and dismissal. In my humble opinion.
We will never ever agree on everything. Someone said a while back, “slow down”. Stop, think, what is it that get’s your goat, get’s you fired up that you take a stand for? Dig deep. And why is it that someone else also taking a stand for something that has gotten them fired up, is wrong? Keep in mind, what is right for you might not be right for me and what is wrong for another may not be wrong for you. That is the world. We are vastly different, with vastly different experiences living in the same space. More or less. And unless someone else’s stand for what they believe is right for them and their family, if it does not physically, economically effect you; with the tables turned would you want them to tell you, you are wrong and how dare you?
Don’t know who said this, “Don’t you dare shrink yourself for someone else comfort. Do not become small for people who refuse to grow.” We unfortunately are not living in comfortable times. But we all hold the heart and potential to minimize that discomfort if we stop, slow down, listen and consider another with an open heart. Yes, don’t shrink. But don’t expect anyone else too and don’t be small.
Dear Friend,
Something that’s been rolling in my head for months now, came to light today.
I am a once churched person.
In high school I was, in my opinion, a bit fanatical. I was as I see and perceive it now, headed down a path of extremism. I was judgmental. I was inflexible. I was intolerant. I had a skewed view of my responsibility as a Christian. A skewed view of my responsibility as a human. It was not how I was being raised, but how I was evolving at the time.
Growing up it was church Wednesday night, Sunday morning, Sunday night, any other time in between for anything. At school, President of the chapter of Fellowship of Christian Athletes. Much of which I am proud of. What may be a surprise, is that as I look back or had conversations with some since 1979, a few things I am embarrassed about and apologized for. That would be the fanatical side of all of it. (Thanks Coach Black)
My decision in 1985 to do what I had wanted to do all along propelled me into an exploration that was inevitable when I went back to college. Exploration not as an educator, but someone who would express (or wanted to express) themselves through images and words. While the path moved and changed here and there, not being truly realized, the path has been good.
If you take my high school persona and sit it next to who I am today, some might be surprised. Some may not. I’m not sure where I fit into that analysis. Where I am does feel better than where I think I was.
What completely shifting my path did, was bring the beauty of our diverse world front and center to me. While I haven’t yet seen the whole world yet. I had glimpses into it from unique perspectives and experiences through professors and classmates. I think my eye’s were pretty wide to begin with, but what I learned, my mind was also open. And the beauty of humans I have experienced is a lifetime of love.
I’ve been thinking about all of this a lot for many years and even more within the last decade. The beauty that surrounds me in the people that have graciously allowed for me space in their lives. Goodness to last a lifetime.
Some of it is confusing to me. I have often ask my Mom, who took me to that Church 3 times a week, what shifted? What changed? And by the way, took me but I never felt pressured to go to that Church 3 times a week. It was part of me, it was home. With people I loved.
How do you explain, understand or accept the differences that I see today? Some are ideologically, figuratively, metaphorically and literally so different. Not only are we no longer in the same pew, we aren’t across the aisle or even in the same building. Diametrically apposed. Where I feel it now, is in my heart. In high school I now know I felt it in my head. I am certain of that. Certain because of how it feels now. I don’t know who is right or if anyone has to be right. I just know how it feels to me. How it feels in my heart.
College and 1985 was about digging deep. At the time I don’t think I knew that. I know now that there I only scratched the surface.
A lot happened that year. Despite the fact that I was finally doing what I wanted to do, the family unit I had grown up in was kind of crumbling. My ground, my dear cousin died. Then my Great Grandmother. Jung, Nietzsche, Thomas Moore, Plato, Hesse, the Masculine, the Feminine, Symbolism … Religion. Many of my classes were therapy. Deep self refections and vulnerability that now I realize, again just scratching the surface.
During this time I use to spend Sunday mornings at a teachers house talking, Sufism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism, Christianity … praying together, eating together and talking about religion. Not as a specific, but as choice and exploration. A heart settling knowledge that it was love and compassion that was religion. A religion I wanted. That there was a possibility that there was not just one way. But that we could all come together for the greater good, listen and take care of each other with no judgment, no expectation. Just love.
Now more than ever before we have at our fingertips so much information. We have so much access to each other. We have such an incredible opportunity to share love. To honor and care for another. Yet I read and see so much anger and hatred. A lack of tolerance for difference. Accusations of people that we just can’t know. Us vs. them.
What is it that makes us believe one thing over another? Why the disenfranchisement? What appears as ones attempt to understand something to express the understanding of it, often feels like judgment or reads as hatred. A feeling that often brings tears to my eye’s and weighs on my heart so heavily.
What is happening?
Sincerely,
A once churched person
Lately, most days, many days I am brought to tears by the things I see, hear and read. They aren’t always tears of joy. Lately they are mostly tears of sadness. Tears of confusion as to how we allowed ourselves to…wait strike that. Tears of my perception of how we have allowed ourselves to become.
I see and read such hate on online social media outlets. I see people that I have respected and even admired posting and sharing things that are mean, hurtful, disrespectful and nine times out of ten just straight up false and hold no factual integrity. Again, my perception along with an occasional Google search to fact check.
Kindness and respect seem easy and universal. Yet I perceive to often such scarcity in simple kindness as I scroll here or there, read this or that.
Several weeks ago I started Brené Browns, Living Brave Semester. Half way through this online semester we were required to write a Daring Manifesto.
This experience has been a challenge on many levels. “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.” Uncomfortable, yes.
My life feels a strange dichotomy. Often I feel that I am just an observer, sitting back watching life, taking it in. Being silent. Then on the flip side I very often feel I am full on leaning in and living my true north, showing up every damn day. I know that I show up every day. Fully participating and engaging the situation. And absorbing too much. Those are the days, more often than not I get knocked down or a little beat up.
I don’t have all the answers and on most days no answers. But I have insight, thoughts and ideas about those around me that mean so much. Those around me that I want to live a life of pure joy and happiness. To experience no disenchantment or heart break. But I can’t block it all or even stop most of it.
With an open loving heart I have tried to contribute, help and yes sometimes question something that is going on; and make a suggestion of another way. Or question and ask why to get an answer that I am certain I don’t have. But to no avail, have I gotten the answer or in some instances the simple respect and consideration that I am certain I afford those around me unconditionally.
I don’t feel that I am a complicated person or so complex that those who know me don’t really know me. So just in case. Here is my Daring Manifesto for you to ignore or read. And if you read and feel compelled, hold me to it.
What has happened to us? What is it that creates and causes once friend, room mates even, to have such difference that one would “unfriend” on Facebook?
I have over 400 friends. It seems like a lot to me. But then there were over 500 in my graduating high school class. I went to a state college for two year and new fairly well more than a handful of people. Several jobs, another college, small so knew most of those people at some level.
There is a distinct divide and difference in the overall opinion of my “friends”. Some extreme, some not. Some caustic, some not. Some very funny, some not. Some diametrically apposed, some not.
Some post things that I absolutely agree with. Some post things that I absolutely disagree with. Occasionally, I try to articulately and with as much reason and logic that my brain can muster, comment on what they post. And I mean occasionally, rarely actually. Can probably count on both hands when I have done this.
I’m not changing their mind, just like they aren’t changing mine. I will say this, at least if I post something I do my very best to vet it for fact, truth and reality. Some of my “friends” who I held in high regard or thought very smart, have made me question that of late.
It would be one thing if what they posted I was not able to in 30 – 50 seconds debunk with a quick Google search. But 9 out of 10, I am able to do that. In some cases bogus beyond, beyond that it makes me think…maybe they aren’t as smart as i thought they were. Then I think, I’m not that smart so that can’t be true.
Why is it that I take care to check and be careful to not just post anything? Or stay away from extreme tragedy or brutality?
Like I posted on 11/29;
My opinion. The only truth on Facebook, pictures of food. Oh and maybe cat videos.
The rest, mean, wide sweeping generalizations that have no potential for anything positive and perpetuate stereotypes. Crazy unreal fact-less opinions and accusations that can only serve to continue the pain and suffering that I would think at this point we’ve all had enough of.
If you have access to Facebook you have access to the internet. How about a little caution and research before you share?
How can misinformation or misunderstandings not perpetuate the evil that exists? How can it not perpetuate the hatred?
Haven’t you had enough? I know I have. (with a picture of my Thanksgiving turkey)
The only thing I would have done different with that post was actually end it with, “and here is a picture of a turkey.”
Yesterday a friend posted this;
I commented something to the effect that we should help and that I would be helping, not all Syrians are evil and I included a link to Mercy Corp.
Then I posted on my Facebook page;
Today, she unfriended me. Makes me sad. Not sure why, but it does. Some of her posts have been on the more conservative side of things and in my opinion, kind of mean and disrespectful. But I didn’t unfriend her. I haven’t unfriended any of my friends who have opposite opinions to mine.
So, I guess I was too…I don’t know? Too kind? Too honest, too inclusive? I don’t know, just sad.
And I take full responsibility for my words and the consequences they may bring. Because I am certainly not perfect.
I see this posted here and there. That we, “need God in the schools”. We need God here or there.
I don’t think that we need God anywhere other than were he is already, or should be, in the hearts of millions of believers, period.
Would it really make a difference? I think not, since most of the hate and judgement that I see is from those who “quote” God and use him as the platform for a belief system that in my opinion is contrary to the God that I was raised on and learned about in the Christian Church.
I think about my youth and what I believed and what I thought about God, church and people. And I am glad that my Mom, Merle McConnell or whom ever was there to teach and build my foundation for belief were compassionate, open and not closed off or judgmental.
I realize that the path I was on in high school could have sent me in an entirely different direction. I honestly believe that I was on a path to persecute and judge those around me. God only knows why I thought that was my job. So thank you God or whom ever for keeping my mind open and curious and for taking no words for granted.
In my opinion, if we are to be true believers then God says a few things about that. I don’t need to list a line of scripture here because most of you, apparently spend more time in the bible than I do these days. I think you know what I am talking about. Love others as I have loved you. Turn the other cheek. Judge not lest you be judged. But maybe some of you should go back and read the entire book consider the context and the time it was written. But that’s just me.
If we have God in our hearts and minds then how should that translate in how we treat all of God’s children? No, seriously. I’m asking. If we love God, how do you show him your love?
Let me cheat here a little bit here with this quote because I love it!
So back to my question. Would it really make a difference and what do you mean, we need God in schools or here or there? I was thinking, we added God to the Pledge of Allegiance in the 50’s and look where we are today.
Do we need to have it in front of us all the time to remember? On the wall, in a book, over the door that we or our kids walk through? Flashing at us at every corner like a walk/don’t walk sign? Is that really going to make a difference?
Are we so weak that unless we have it in our face every day like a Kardashian that we are unable to just be the loving, caring, compassionate beings that God created us to be….if he in fact created us?
Here’s more trouble.
If he did create us in his image, how is it that we (or some of us) feel that his image is vengeful and judgmental. That any of us truly no what his intentions were? Go ahead, place scripture reference here.
If we are to believe this, then how is it that we can judge those we know nothing about by actions reported in the media, liberal or otherwise. By nuance or innuendo? Do we blindly believe what others say just because if fits what we think is right or wrong? Oh and don’t get me started on right or wrong! Cause I’m thinking, some of what some of you think as right or wrong, in my opinion are not for you and I to decide.
If we are to believe this(or if I am to believe this), how is is that we believe venomous hateful speech from a few who have been given an open forum to judge, denigrate and splash hate at those different than the skewed version of a human they believe we should all be.
Sometimes I login to that place call Facebook and leave crying for the things I see or read that others have written or shared.
Because if you deem yourself in a position to judge and condemn, in my opinion how can you say you believe in God. Again, not the God I learned about growing up.
Someone said a while back that they where going to worry more about what God thought of them than others here on earth right now. Well, yeah I guess. Since God will judge you on judgement day. Don’t you think that he will look at you and question how you spoke about or treated his other children? To me this is ironic? Or contradictory or actually kinda crazy at best.
If there is a God. I too worry what he will think of me if those gates are real and they are pearly. Will he say, good job! Or will he say, you disenfranchise the poor. Kicked those who were down. Passed judgement on those you knew nothing about. Robbed the poor and stole from the blind. And twisted my words so out of context that I’m even afraid of your judgement of me. Your call I guess based on what kind of God you believe in.
I don’t know anything. Never have, never will. But I have to believe that if there is a God, he wants us to love and care for one another. That there should be no discrimination of that love that all of his children are worthy of that love, just as he has loved us. But what I am I to believe with so many clergy or people who present themselves a Godly are the ones casting the most judgment and just being down right mean. What has happened to them that they have such fear?
I see so much hatred. So much judgement. And for what? No seriously! For what?
I think we need God in our hearts and minds. Act like we are servants of him and treat one another with compassion, kindness and the love we all deserve. Yes, there will be people who will tempt and test you…just remember what Jesus did or said to those who tested and tempted him.
If we are to not believe this, then what are we to believe?
This place, Facebook is such an interesting place. Is it a true window into the hearts and minds of those you thought you knew? Some you barely know and those you wonder if you really ever knew?
Some days the things I see and read here break my heart. Bring me to tears. And too often are void of the joy that does surround us. How did we get here?
People are different. People have different opinions, beliefs, ideas and ideals.
Now this is just me but some of the opinions I read, I can rarely find facts for. And on a regular basis debunk. Granted some think that the Internet is not the place to find information, (according to a comment on a string I was part of a while back). But it’s what I have. Sure I could go to the library or wherever that individual goes for his info. But I’m lazy so Google and the internets it is. And I read all sides, not just the side I agree with. And I don’t read traditional news resources or outlets. I try to go to the source and vet it if I can. Not always easy.
I also don’t try to imagine that I have any idea what the intent of something written 50, 100 or even 2000 years ago. Hell sometimes I don’t remember the intent of things wrote last month! And I always question if it’s real or truth.
I saw my Naturopath last week and he said, “uh-oh, gloom and doom again”. We worked through it and am working through it. There is an occasional ray of hope! An occasional good thing here or there.
I guess my point of writing this is to ask. Do we really hate at the level I read? Am I too sensitive? Do I need to get over it and let it go? How did our differences turn into such disrespect and hate? What does it say about us, that in my opinion, we write and share hateful, hurtful, disrespectful things?
And yes, I am paying attention. Just so there is no question. But is hate and vitriol the answer?
What if we all just let go and got over it? And moved on! Moved on to what? Maybe we could move onto a kinder, gentler and respectful discourse. A true discourse. A factual discourse with solutions. I can hope or dream can’t I?
The acceptance of what some are saying today is at a level of hatred and disdain that to be honest; I didn’t think we had it in us. To openly discount another human and have millions cheer you? And listen?! I just don’t get it.
Do we become a nation of intolerant, vengeful beings looking out only for me, myself and I? Do we do nothing to help the disadvantaged, the abused, the hungry, the veterans who served and protected because of a few bad apples? Do we kick those who are down as we pat ourselves on the back for being righteous and God fearing? (And there is a whole other topic! Fear God? Not the one I was taught about growing up in church…I digress) How is it that one sentence or partial sentence from the bible gains such momentum and others ignored?
Do we become so blinded by the hate that we can’t even actually have a discussion about solutions because we are lost in name calling, finger pointing and a blame game that is endless and pointless and will never get us anywhere. I guess one would have to actually have a solution. Or be interested in a solution.
What have we come to? What is our intent? Our purpose? If we are to believe this book the bible that so many like to quote. God says love one another. Not just this group or that group, this religion or this race or people from that country. LOVE ONE ANOTHER AS I HAVE LOVED YOU. Ok, so I took one sentence or a version of one sentence and use it to make my point. GUILTY! What does that sentence or concept mean to you?
Again, that’s just my opinion.
And now a promise to not participate in the negative hate and disrespect of anyone. How about you…got solutions or just more posting and sharing of juvenile name calling and factless, untrue stories?
on what version of God we go with.
