Jun 26 2018

Looking back, 5.25.18

Just because you don’t like it.

Just because it doesn’t fit in your box.

Just because you wish it weren’t true.

Does not make it fake or not a truth.


Jun 26 2018

Looking back, 5.10.18

I don’t feed the trolls ever. I was tempted this time.

So. She is a woman, I am a woman and that is all that is necessary to accept her unquestionably and say thumbs up and support her?

I think not Steve.

The dumbest argument today.

So. Since she is a woman and I am a woman I should just support her? That how she would handle a crisis situation in times of war shouldn’t be questioned male or female? And that by her ideas seem to be diametrically opposed to mine, I can’t say no to her because we are both women?

Again – DUMBEST argument today.

Does he accept the actions of every male because he is a male? Maybe? Can I guess by his comment that he voted for Trump and is not a fan of anyone who didn’t? I had said, Democrats, but I am hard pressed to say that ONLY Democrats voted for Hilary and that only Republicans voted for Trump.

Would he vote for and support any male just because they are male? I think he may have…


Jun 26 2018

Looking back, 4.25.18

Lots of people say lots of things about what is missing today here or there.

What is missing is respect. Respect in word, speech, and deed.

Something my parents taught me by example.

At our very best if we respect each other even in the midst of a difference of opinion, imagine, just imagine what that might do for our discourse? If we continue to disrespect, dehumanize, call each other names and normalize that for no other reason than our differences…well.

I believe that respect is at an astonishingly all time low and I wonder if we can recover.

But I will commit 110% to honorable mutual respect in all ways. And if that makes me a snowflake, how beautiful they are.


Jun 26 2018

Looking back, 4.20.18 #2

This one I feel is a bit risky, but here goes.

I am not having a very good day.

I am letting my brain and maybe my imagination takes over a bit.

I think I’d get it if weed made me paranoid and I’d been smoking, but I don’t smoke. And it’s been awhile since the lack of protein sets me off. (heh, wrote this on 4/20…)

I guess I have to put it out there (or here) so that it isn’t a reality.

But my gut is telling me that someone has said something that is sabotaging my job hunt. I don’t know why, but it just feels like it. It feels like that I go down a bit of a path and then it just stops. Silence. Crickets…actually not even crickets.

I know that people are busy. Even gave one the easy way out by saying she didn’t have to reply. Probably a mistake. But that seems like something I don’t even have to do. They just don’t reply. Even one who reached out to connect have a call then went dead silent. I think that one was the one that sent me down this path. Because it’s a company that someone recommended me to before who has, in my opinion, pulled away. Btw, reached out a second time to connect. Nothing.

In the past, my network has worked so well for me. Did being honest about this company or that person turn into my name on some sort of weird blacklist?

I can’t get my head out of it. Even told two friends last week in the biz that I thought that. I think they are the two I can trust? I hope?

But then as I think about it. Why would I want to work with people who discount me because I told the truth about something? It has to be the fear, for example, as to the reason for my one exit and how ridiculous it was that they don’t want it being told what was said to me. And how I’ve had one job since then and they have had 3 maybe 4.

I don’t know. Truly I’d rather never work with or be around most of them, but I do need to work. And I’m just not sure if that will happen.


Jun 26 2018

Looking back….

I write a lot. But I rarely write here.

So I have decided, in an effort to put or get myself out there, I will move many of my “notes” to here so that the one or two people who might show up here randomly to read will have something new to read.

It also might help in the event that all other efforts to save said writing explode and everything is lost in the cloud…

So…here I go!


Jun 26 2018

Looking back, 4.20.18

You very firmly believe what you believe is right. And to a certain degree believe that it is right for everyone. EVERYONE.

Think about that. I’ll wait.

You are you and I am me. I have opinions as well. Here is where I think there is a difference.

I don’t believe that everything I believe is right for everyone. Because everyone is not me.

I don’t have children so there are lots of things that I either pay taxes for or that I do for children because it’s the right thing to do.

I am not married so my taxes are different than my friends who are married. And different because I don’t have dependents. So I guess I put up with that because somehow that is different. Even though I don’t get it.

I have been unemployed several times in the last 20 years and I have taken advantage of services that as an employee I and my companies have paid into. And while unemployed it is my intention to not just take a “job” to get off unemployment. So I may exhaust my claim being strategic about my search risking the self-righteous saying I am being lazy while not knowing a single thing about me all because someone started a fable years ago about a person of color being a welfare queen. My opinion, this person does not exist.

You think that people using help from human services should have to drug screen to get the funds. Have you taken the time to read that is an enormous waste of the very money you are complaining about being spent? That the number of people or this does not affect the overall results? And if you think these people should be tested, what about the others you are paying the salary for, Senate, Congress, city, state officials, the President! What is the difference? Drug screen and background them all, then maybe we wouldn’t be where we are today. Corrupt up to the eyeballs.


Feb 11 2018

Walking

Today I watched a woman be walked by her dog. Seriously. She went left the dog when right…so she went right. The dog stopped, she kept going…she stopped. She started to move the dog stayed…she stayed. She went right the dog went left…so she went left. Isn’t the person supposed to guide the dog on a walk?

Anyway.

I also notice on my walks the signs in my neighborhood. You can’t really walk a block without seeing it.

I think about it a lot. It’s content, it’s intent.

Love wins. Love will win. If we tried just a teeny bit harder. And in my opinion, until love wins, no one wins.

What does love mean? Have we overused the word? I don’t think so, we just need to be true to it. There are a lot of things that I don’t love, but I care enough to be respectful and kind. Being dismissive, mean, or condescending can only promote that. What we accept and tolerate is where we will be.

Sometimes when I think about this I get overwhelmed like when I’m in a place that is dark and at night I can look up at the stars and after a few minutes be taken by how far we are from the rest of everything. How sometimes we take for granted and see ourselves as superior to others. I also sometimes think, are we just the toys in a little girls doll house world in an galaxy far away and we are really ants.

I watch, read and hear what is out there. I think sometimes what you people say or post out there on the interwebs, says more about them than they actually recognize. I read name calling, referencing expletives when talking about another and usually someone I am pretty sure they don’t know. So you are taking the word of another that you don’t really know for speaking truth about someone they probably really don’t know either. But something that person has said or done in their own life somehow now has become the duty of the other person to pass judgement and dispersion, trial, jury and judge. We really are smarter than that. So what is it that gets you so?

Yes we do have a problem with accusation and innuendo, but how do we self correct?

I believe like our government, we have to get so low, go so far past rock bottom because we are entirely too stubborn to admit that we may not be right and that there may be another way.

Try this for a week, with everything you read, see or hear, may your first thought be, love wins. Then think how you feel about what you just read saw or heard.

How ‘bout it. Where do you want to be? If love doesn’t win, what does? If we don’t care enough, what happens? If we don’t care what is said about others how can we care about what is said about ourselves.

Like I said the other day, I’ll protect your voice if you protect mine. Let’s just make sure we are protecting a kinder and gentler voice. The same voice we want for ourselves one of compassion and love.

Love.


Sep 16 2017

Conviction or Confliction

I saw this the other day.

And I thought…unless you are kneeling because you believe that people like yourself are being disenfranchised or the target of discrimination, then don’t.

What if we took that at face value, considered that belief or cause and gave it the same value we give certain things WE take for granted? Freedom for one.

We all want everyone to consider our cause our belief. SOME want everyone to fit into their box of values, my values, my belief, my right and wrong.

Guess what…that can’t work. And I don’t like the word can’t. Turn the table and imagine the person in your site that you are saying should shut up and play, or shut up and sing…turns that phrase on you. Do you really want all freedoms to have limits, restrictions and have levels of acceptance or approval beyond what they are? Honestly, why are you or better, what gives you the right to tell them to shut-up, stand up and be silent? Would you heed their ask? I think not…I know not. The reason you would not kneel is your right. A question, have you read and truly dug in to even try to understand this opposition? I mean really, really listened to understand?

Sometimes in life hard decisions are made. I believe that decisions that are potentially, life changing or affirming for most, are not taken lightly and great consideration is given. I’m also not so naive that I don’t believe that there are a few that aren’t. For someone to risk everything for a cause. That deserves more than mine or anyone’s judgement. It deserve the same consideration I would expect for my belief. Nothing less.

I make decisions for myself based on what is right and good for me and what will hurt no other. I am very certain that there is at least half of the country who believes or feels that some of my decisions are wrong. For individual personal decisions, I don’t believe in right or wrong. Or maybe more, not for me to say right or wrong. Now when I say this, please do not think or feel that I am in anyway more than or better than. The decisions that I make, 100% of them come from my heart and a place of compassion that I can only hope others hold for me. And for those who do not know me, I don’t think you get to say who you think I am, what I am or call me names that are derogatory and in the vain of names that I am certain you would not like to be called. Rethuglican, Libtard, names wrangled to some unsavory version, Obummer, Drumph, tRump, even snowflake. I mean seriously…really? Sticks and stones…. It’s not 1817 or even 1917. It’s 2017 and we can’t go back. And I’ll take snowflake any day over the alternative.

I can only know my immediate circle of people. People that I engage with daily or weekly. I can’t know anyone outside of that circle, or bubble if you prefer, that I have not had direct contact with. I can’t know how any other person experiences life in their space, shoes, world, what ever you choose to call it. I can’t know the hurt that is caused by some of the decisions that some make when they take a stand for something they believe in. But if I call out that person or persons, not fully understanding or having some level of compassion for them, then anything I might say against them is a judgment that I am now, or should not allow myself to espouse.

Some financially support this group or that group. Some strike out and march or write many, many, many letters in support or in opposition of a cause. If you are so certain about everything that you believe to be true that you believe to be good, and that somehow adds to the dismissal of another, try to think of an equivalent for yourself. What might send me to a march or protest? What might send you to your knee?

I am not a person of color. With that I have been given certain liberties that many do not have, period. I do not know what it’s like to be a person of color and see red flashing lights in the rear view mirror. I don’t know what it’s like to be a person of color and have someone follow me through a retail store. I don’t know what it’s like to be a person of color and have assumptions made about me by people I have never met who cannot know me.

People say respect this inanimate object because it means this, or respect this group of people with no thought of who is being disrespected. Maybe even inadvertently. No one owns respect. But I do know that it is earned. Know one owns freedom more than anyone else. Know one really get’s it just because. But I believe that some do. To say or be disrespectful to someone who is doing something you deem disrespectful…who owns that? Who owns that contradiction? And what makes you the authority on their cause? I don’t see a lot of understanding here. I see no thought truly given to the topic, just lots of anger the hints true discrimination and dismissal. In my humble opinion.

We will never ever agree on everything. Someone said a while back, “slow down”. Stop, think, what is it that get’s your goat, get’s you fired up that you take a stand for? Dig deep. And why is it that someone else also taking a stand for something that has gotten them fired up, is wrong? Keep in mind, what is right for you might not be right for me and what is wrong for another may not be wrong for you. That is the world. We are vastly different, with vastly different experiences living in the same space. More or less. And unless someone else’s stand for what they believe is right for them and their family, if it does not physically, economically effect you; with the tables turned would you want them to tell you, you are wrong and how dare you?

Don’t know who said this, “Don’t you dare shrink yourself for someone else comfort. Do not become small for people who refuse to grow.” We unfortunately are not living in comfortable times. But we all hold the heart and potential to minimize that discomfort if we stop, slow down, listen and consider another with an open heart. Yes, don’t shrink. But don’t expect anyone else too and don’t be small.


Jun 24 2017

Facebook:

the fun, the memories, the outrage, anger and self-righteous indignation(admittedly a judgement).

I read peoples status updates, read what they share that they feel passionate or outraged about, occasionally I comment. I have stopped.

Today’s version of truth, post truth and alternate facts have created a lose, lose environment. Now I comment privately to myself by writing in The iPhone app Notes.  Or an email and save it as a draft.  I have over 500 some of all of that. Maybe from time to time when I’ve had the time to collect my thoughts, let them rest a bit, I will do this and share.

I will not comment, because I don’t feel like I have enough information to comment. I will not share potentially controversial topics because I don’t have the ability to be certain of truth or accuracy in facts. And it is my truth that you all are adults and you don’t need me pushing my side of truth as some form of education for you. You don’t need it, I don’t need it. Of late many of the posts or shares I see, I feel are reactionary and only simply support one small idea of the sharer or the topic. I don’t need or want to perpetuate any part of what I have seen.

Our world is huge.  Our information overload is ginormous.  Our ability to get real, tangible information, real, solid, factual information about anything is nil.  Yet many of us take one morsel and call it gospel, call it truth.  Maybe it is? I often find that with a quick “google” search, information to the contrary or in opposition is ready in seconds.  So what does that say? And from experience it proves nothing to the sharer, they stand their ground. They have their truth, even if it is flawed. Often not a truth but an altered version to support an agenda that creates difference. No one person has or holds the truth.

I wrote something a couple nights ago in response to a couple posts that I saw. I will share that. But first, a co-worker sent me this article early in the week. I finally read it; http://in5d.com/are-you-a-prisoner-in-your-own-world/.

What struck me was this; “In reality society is far too quick to judge others for their lives, and what they have ever done, and this is a fundamental flaw in today’s way of living.” None of us can walk in all shoes…ever.

So here it is. As I wrote the other night, should I comment? Should I post or just leave in Nites? Some may know and recognize it, some may not. 

Yes. We all need to slow down. Be responsible and or accountable for the emotional wake we may create. There is a lot of heart and intellectual emotion out there today. It feels we are trending toward what our brain says.

Today’s world is too big. So big that we can’t know the true experience of another or an effect of an experience on another. We are, or should be past generalizations having any value or purpose. But they seem to be where many go. They serve no purpose for any one, right along with assumptions and labels. I may be this or that, but unless you and I have had a conversation you will not know my true convictions on anything.

Unfortunately our thoughts our feelings our experiences can be or represent an unfortunate demeaning, disenfranchising experience for another. Of course we should be able to have those thoughts feelings or experiences. But we can’t expect another not in our shoes (or us in theirs) to understand, accept or even empathize with the result of our action or our words. Or be surprised by another’s reaction.

Every issue we face today has layers and layers of complications that have never before seen the light of day. Daily new layers present. Layers that some of us will never know about or ever experience. What each of us knows about anything is infinitesimal to the true depths of what is real. Of what is truth.

I saw an interesting quote the other day. “The mouth should have three gatekeepers. Is it true, is it kind and is it necessary”. Of course I am fully aware the necessary will vary from person to person. But I’d like to think that kind is universal.

So, slow down. Think, how might this be received? Stop. Think. Should I channel my anger, outrage, belief or even joy differently? Elsewhere? Can I create a positive difference rather than a potential negative wake of emotion?

I think some decisions, some thoughts are best made with the heart. Not the brain. Some maybe even just kept. I see and feel a lot of brain reaction and thoughts of late. I think that some feelings, some thoughts or decisions should not be made intellectually, but with the heart. A very warm heart. #openness


Feb 26 2017

Confession, I am a ‘once churched person’

Dear Friend,

Something that’s been rolling in my head for months now, came to light today.

I am a once churched person.

In high school I was, in my opinion, a bit fanatical. I was as I see and perceive it now, headed down a path of extremism. I was judgmental. I was inflexible. I was intolerant. I had a skewed view of my responsibility as a Christian. A skewed view of my responsibility as a human. It was not how I was being raised, but how I was evolving at the time.

Growing up it was church Wednesday night, Sunday morning, Sunday night, any other time in between for anything. At school, President of the chapter of Fellowship of Christian Athletes. Much of which I am proud of. What may be a surprise, is that as I look back or had conversations with some since 1979, a few things I am embarrassed about and apologized for. That would be the fanatical side of all of it. (Thanks Coach Black)

My decision in 1985 to do what I had wanted to do all along propelled me into an exploration that was inevitable when I went back to college. Exploration not as an educator, but someone who would express (or wanted to express) themselves through images and words. While the path moved and changed here and there, not being truly realized, the path has been good.

If you take my high school persona and sit it next to who I am today, some might be surprised. Some may not. I’m not sure where I fit into that analysis. Where I am does feel better than where I think I was.

What completely shifting my path did, was bring the beauty of our diverse world front and center to me. While I haven’t yet seen the whole world yet. I had glimpses into it from unique perspectives and experiences through professors and classmates. I think my eye’s were pretty wide to begin with, but what I learned, my mind was also open. And the beauty of humans I have experienced is a lifetime of love.

I’ve been thinking about all of this a lot for many years and even more within the last decade. The beauty that surrounds me in the people that have graciously allowed for me space in their lives. Goodness to last a lifetime.

Some of it is confusing to me. I have often ask my Mom, who took me to that Church 3 times a week, what shifted? What changed? And by the way, took me but I never felt pressured to go to that Church 3 times a week. It was part of me, it was home. With people I loved.

How do you explain, understand or accept the differences that I see today? Some are ideologically, figuratively, metaphorically and literally so different. Not only are we no longer in the same pew, we aren’t across the aisle or even in the same building. Diametrically apposed. Where I feel it now, is in my heart. In high school I now know I felt it in my head. I am certain of that. Certain because of how it feels now. I don’t know who is right or if anyone has to be right. I just know how it feels to me. How it feels in my heart.

College and 1985 was about digging deep. At the time I don’t think I knew that. I know now that there I only scratched the surface.

A lot happened that year. Despite the fact that I was finally doing what I wanted to do, the family unit I had grown up in was kind of crumbling. My ground, my dear cousin died. Then my Great Grandmother. Jung, Nietzsche, Thomas Moore, Plato, Hesse, the Masculine, the Feminine, Symbolism … Religion. Many of my classes were therapy. Deep self refections and vulnerability that now I realize, again just scratching the surface.

During this time I use to spend Sunday mornings at a teachers house talking, Sufism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism, Christianity … praying together, eating together and talking about religion. Not as a specific, but as choice and exploration. A heart settling knowledge that it was love and compassion that was religion. A religion I wanted. That there was a possibility that there was not just one way. But that we could all come together for the greater good, listen and take care of each other with no judgment, no expectation. Just love.

Now more than ever before we have at our fingertips so much information. We have so much access to each other. We have such an incredible opportunity to share love. To honor and care for another. Yet I read and see so much anger and hatred. A lack of tolerance for difference. Accusations of people that we just can’t know. Us vs. them.

What is it that makes us believe one thing over another? Why the disenfranchisement? What appears as ones attempt to understand something to express the understanding of it, often feels like judgment or reads as hatred. A feeling that often brings tears to my eye’s and weighs on my heart so heavily.

What is happening?

Sincerely,

A once churched person