Author: jennifer

This is a hard one for me lately. In all honesty, I have to say some are not who I believed them to be the first time.

When I think of all the people I know, and think about or try to think about the first time I ever met them, what I knew and what I know often are two very different things. So while I love this quote, the world we live in today, or my world it is no longer truth. I have view or visibility of many that I have known since kindergarten or before. I have amazing, fond memories of them all. In the last few years, I have seen or read certain commentary from some that break my heart. That send me running with tears in my eyes vowing to never read Facebook again, never go to Twitter or Instagram again because it’s so disheartening.

We are broken. We are overwhelmed with information most of which is agenda to gather us up and pit us against each other. Some days makes me wish Reagan or Bush were back in office. It feels as if our very own personal needs are taking over any consideration of anyone outside our individual personal beleif. While yelling don’t tread on me, we are treading on others. We are not on a one way street.

How is it that some of us grew up in the same class rooms listening to the same teachers. Sat in the same pews, listening to the same minister and now are so far apart in terms of what I remember being thought about the bible and a man named Jesus. What I thought was character. What I thought was morality. What I thought was ethical. It’s now a harsh and judgmental view from what I remember being taught.

I heard today that another one of the youth group leaders from the church I grew up in passed away. Rest in Peace Warren Kennedy. These were caring, compassionate and engaged individuals who were present in every way. Leaders who I still hold dear today when I think about how I think about others and how I speak of others. Kind, gentle souls who gave to us time they didn’t have to. Time they could have spent at home.

Yet today, it feels some have forgotten the gentle kind nature of extending a thought or an arm to another. The care in listening to those around you to cast no stone or a disparaging word. Our anger has taken over and we are projecting on others our unfounded fears of what tomorrow might bring.

Division. Could it be in our DNA? Biological? Or of our soul?

Each and everyone of us are on a path. A journey of this life, here on this earth. I believe that there are many paths and many levels. We are all born on a date and progress year by year, each year adding one number. I will be 60 in November. I also believe I have a soul age. A soul that is not here on this earth for the first time. That I have brought with me to this life, lives before where lessons were learned or unlearned and now I work through both to leave this earth with a better understanding of myself and humanity. A better understanding of humanity to take with me to my next life, lessons learned and unlearned.

In many ways while almost entering may 60th year, I do wonder truly how old my soul is. If you will allow me, for some this will feel like a judgement or even a stretch, I think my souls journey puts me maybe in my early 30’s. As I sit with this, think about this, read others who think like this, I am closer to a more wholistic and harmonious understanding of humanity because of the journey my soul has been on.

Warrior, Freedom Fighter, wife, husband, sister, brother, all that I bring with me here has been a lesson to assist me in the navigation of this wide and complex universe.

This, in my opinion if our divide. I have jokingly in the past been known to say, “are you new?” or “are they new?”. When I say this, it is from my observation as to how one may handle a situation or encounter. So while my great friend who is approaching the birth year of say 45, they may only have a soul that is 5, or 12 … or 16. So a less mature heart or soul if you will. One who sees or takes in some information with a much younger soul approach.

In Michael Newton’s book Journey of Souls: Case Studies of the Life Between Lives, he says; “THERE are two types of beginner souls: souls who are truly young in terms of exposure to an existence out of the spirit world, and souls who have been reincarnating on Earth for a long period of relative time, but still remain immature. I find beginner souls of both types in Levels I and II.”

Think about how those around you react or act in certain interactions. Are they reasonable, reasoning responsive adults as we my frame it or are they a petulant reactionary child wanting everyone to see things there way are as they believe them to be right. And then when they catch opposition, storm out of the room?

Granted opposition these days can and is very cruel and hurtful. I’ve seen a lot of if unacceptable and unnecessary. Not an opposition the breads positive growth or positive, reasonable adult conversation to move us forward. A certain level of indignation has been leased and there is no stopping it.

I try to protect my heart, eye’s and ears from the harm that happens today, yesterday and will what most certainly happen tomorrow. But I can’t stay or be blind to the shift in the care that we hold for those we know or those around us. Sometimes I see or read something and I am gobsmacked and honestly at a complete loss for words. Anger is real and I think we all know, not a path to change that will be productive or even promote a growth of heart we are all worthy of. I say or ask, look at your anger. Where is it truly coming from? Where are you honestly going to put it. Is it fear? Are you loosing your place? Are you not ready for the world as it truly is and should be?

Most days in my mind the division is untenable because we refuse to listen to understand. We speak to change a mind, change a heart, move someone to our way of thinking or believing. That my way or the highway. And now, some of us are just taking to that highway making to effort to understand. We all have to pick out battles, but which ones will feed not only our soul, but the soul of every brother, sister, cousin, every being in existence. If you deserve a certain amount of freedom, justice or value, why do you disapprove of some who only want that as well. Nothing more, nothing less.


I realized that with my truths and my beliefs they are diametrically opposed to those of others who I am friends with and in some cases have deep history with. Some I spent many a Sunday in class and in the balcony listening to the sermon. History of respect, admiration and even in the past a longing to be more like this person or that person. Be like them for many reasons, intelligence, knowledge, family, adventure and in the past material possessions. All of those have now washed away.

Some I have believed carry the care and compassion for others that now seems, feels to be askew. I’ll call it what it feels like to me, their intolerance for those who are different from them in thought, deed and action. No regard for the plight of the other, their experience or their life and the struggles there. No recognition or acknowledgment of how that difference is oppression. And how as much as they loath to admit it so deeply oppressive that the only thing to call it is racism.

We can change. We can shift. We can collectively embrace communities that only want to be part of the system, part of the conversation and not fear in some cases to just leave their house. Until they say it, until they feel it, until it is real, for me it will remain and i will continue to support Black Lives Matter.

A friend posted something on Facebook that has had me thinking. Well, that’s a given. It was a copy an paste with a few statements that had no facts to back up what was being said, however gathered great support. She stated that it wasn’t a political post which to me is a signal that while it seemed rather political, I will honor her intent and respond this way. Not that I’m any kind of expert but to maybe if seen might gather more thought than just a quick, I agree! I think sometimes we all agree too soon because of our individual hopes of a reality that can’t be realized.

This was the first part:(abbreviated, edited for purpose)

I’M NOT POSTING THIS FOR DEBATE. IF YOU DON’T AGREE UNFRIEND ME AND SAVE US BOTH ANYMORE WASTED TIME. Just please consider this…when you think the President is a jerk…
The bottom line has been that Trump IS a jerk. He’s crude, he bloviates, he gets his feelings hurt and he’s a hot head. And he should stay off Twitter.
Let me tell you what else he is. He is a guy that demands performance. He is a guy that asks lots of questions. The questions he asks aren’t cloaked in fancy phrases, they are “why the hell….” questions.
For decades the health industry has thrown away billions of face masks after one use. Trump asks, “Why the hell are we throwing them away? Why not sterilize them and use them numerous times?” (cause hospitals LOVE to waste money. No!)

I will always be the first person to say that there are no dumb questions. And we should all ask “why” more. Five times I think is what they say. So about 50 – 100 questions should be asked about the content of that post.

Questions asked with no answers then dispersed through to the masses I feel leave open even more questions and the idea or thought that these questions have easy answers and so we move on.

With that in mind, with a little bit of thought and care these can all be answered. Some of the answers for the other statements will surprise some of us. I’ll leave the bulk of them for you to check on for yourself if you see this and know what I’m talking about. I can find the rest of the answers to what was in that post, but you’ll say my finding are biased. Even though I use the whole of the Google and not just a couple of sources.

Masks “Why the hell are we throwing them away? Why not sterilize them and use them numerous times?”

Now, I know nothing! But I’d like to share something about PPE, masks and reuse that I’ve found. I could ask the Nurse Managers I work with, but they are busy. I could ask my friend who is a Doctor where I work. She is busy to. This question can be answered, but I don’t think with just one easy answer like, “Ok, you’re right! Let’s sterilize and reuse hospital PPE!”. No. It’s not extremely complicated, but can’t be answered with a quick short answer. It involves too many individual products with a range of materials. Which that in itself should form some sort of answer as to maybe why not, even with out the Google. Just like the other questions include and involve too many layers of reality to answer with one simple response.

I work for a large top hospital and university in Oregon. This is part of a communication put out to our community today. Read through this and you tell me, can masks be reused? Which ones?

* PPE Classified as Green: Will be used according to factory standards in accordance with CDC recommendations. We remains committed to the highest levels of patient and staff safety for the duration of the pandemic.
* N-95 and PPE Reuse: we encourages every RN who is not trained or competent at reusing any form of supply to not reuse the PPE. Nurses who believe their PPE is contaminated must dispose of and attain new PPE to ensure maximum nurse and patient safety.
* PPE Classification System: we agreed to request whether further discernment and/or understanding regarding the “yellow” category (> 1 week, <30 days) could be provided. We are still seeking to follow up on this. * Accessible PPE on Every Unit: Both RNs and management agree that PPE should be in designated areas that is easily accessible and immediately available on every unit during every shift. This specifically includes sufficient PPE on each unit’s Code Cart. If this practice is not occurring on your unit, please reach out to your Nurse Manager, Assistant Nurse Manager, Specialty Practice Leader, or UBNPC member and have this addressed expediently.
* Hospital-grade Issued PPE is Required: Currently, we are confident there is enough PPE for every hospital employee to provide health care safely. There is agreement that as necessary, decisions will be made about the use of personal PPE.

So. Which ones are you willing to have your Doctor or Nurse have on when they come to see you at your next visit or god forbid a hospital stay. And do you hope they are either new or very clean after a sterilization. Think about your reuse of materials and how they diminish or their effectiveness drops.

Whether anyone likes the CDC or any other agency that set regulations for things people use, I don’t believe that any of those regulations are done willy-nilly and for no reason. And I for one appreciate someone thinking about my safety without even knowing me or knowing if I will ever be in a situation where someone has on contaminated PPE while helping me with an illness or a surgery. Think about it, of all places to take the most precaution. No question in my mind.

Be Safe
Be Healthy
Be of Ease

I rarely used this word when speaking of another and have banned it from my vocabulary. A ban I some days feel one difficult to maintain. Although my Mother always told me, if you thought it, you might as well have said it. So, busted. Let me say this.

I see a lot of people use this word when they make statements about people or comment on a post. Very often, I stop and think, they are probably right. Or I absolutely agree. Albeit not a shining moment for the one who called it. Or even maybe?

Here’s the thing, 99.99999% of the time it is true. Ok, I’ll give, 89.9999% of the time. I see lots of people out there who agree with me. So I’m not an island or in a silo. But the statement almost always stands on its own as idiotic and almost always lacks any factual content. None. Also not much to be found on the internets to support the argument to be anything but ignorant or idiotic. And I’ve tried, I use the Google, I try to think that the best of intentions are first thought. Alas, most often it doesn’t feel like the best of intentions.

Our uncharted waters get more dangerous every day. So. Be an adult. Don’t call other people names that you don’t know cause their comment made you mad. Or because you disagree. Cause then some will think you, well you know.

Just because some of our leaders choose to be petty and childish about their advisories, I think it would be amazing if the rest of us just walked away from that. Stopped giving it any attention. You know that old saying any attention is good attention. We have to shift the wake. Call furniture and inanimate objects names or take up boxing or quiet mediation. Or better yet gather a factual argument with verifiable references (that’s more than one) to respond minus the idiot claim. Again, let that stand on its own. And if one side of the opinion is more weighted with facts, maybe give it some consideration. Or go out and try that Google thing to fill your bucket.

Every election here in Oregon a booklet is sent out. In the booklet is everything that is to be voted on, a summary and an explanation. It also includes for and against statements from associations, unions, businesses, and individuals. I read these and know by who I support that if they are for or against I usually am as well. And here is the thing. Sometimes there will be MANY for and no one against or visa versa. Or maybe just one. So who did their homework here? Or maybe if there are, for example, 20 for and 2 against, who are those two and what is their purpose or agenda?

Just because your favorite news channel says “a, b, c and d” and every other news channel says the opposite or includes the entire alphabet(the whole story in context) there might be something there. They are after all the ones that have and can get access to WAY more information than most of us will ever see.

In college, classmates and I did internships at various televisions stations during the Gulf War. We would sit after class or in the studio at night and some would share bits and pieces of what they had seen come across the wire and compare it to what was actually airing on the news. Guess what, not the whole story. This was an eye-opener and a bit gut-wrenching. And sometimes telling the whole story would not have made the difference and would have been sensationalism. We all know we all love that. Look elsewhere to see what else is being reported about this thing you find maddening or even that makes you happy. The opposite may in fact be the truth.

News fitting into what you “believe” to be right may be and is possibly absolutely the wrong thing for the collective. For me, what I “believe” really doesn’t matter. How are we going to move forward with the least amount of harm and disruption to EVERYONE? Not just my circle. Not just those who believe like me. Even those we think are well, idiots.