creative rant

How do you take enough of the passive out of passive aggressive to capture or move to action beyond the conversation?

Excellent question. Is there an answer?



About 2 months ago I was at the grocery store, Fred Meyer’s. I found a wad of cash on the floor. I picked it up and walked directly to the front of the store to the customer service desk. While I waited my turn I counted, $96.

It’s my turn and I say, I found this on the floor back by the milk. She counts it, $96. Plugs in a bunch of number’s and codes into the register and hands me a receipt. If it’s still here in 30 day’s it’s yours she says. Wow, cool! Any day an extra $96 is cool, but I’m unemployed.

Almost 30 days pass. I think there are two more days. I’m there so I figure I’ll just check. Yep, someone claimed it almost immediately after I turned it in.

Today I went to WinCo. I’ll just say the crowd at WinCo, usually looks a bit different than the Freddies crowd and certainly the New Seasons shoppers. But they have the same stuff and it’s cheaper…still unemployed.

I grab a few things, check out, get a bit of cash and bag my goods. You bag your own at WinCo. I must not have gotten my little wallet into my pocket so when I got to the car I noticed it gone. I quickly checked the bags, the inside of the car, shopping cart, the bags and trace my steps back into the check-out line I left.

I ask the woman, of anyone turned in a small black wallet. In the last…10 minutes…that’s all the longer I was gone really. No, did you check customer service? In line … wait … wait … did anyone turn in a wallet? No. Back outside to check bags and car again. Back inside, no wallet. I give them my name and number.

That was about 4 hours ago now.

Debit card gone and canceled,
Driver’s license gone, new one tomorrow $30
Insurance card gone,
Nordstrom gift card gone $50.
Visa gift card gone $50,
Starbucks Gold card canceled and transferred to a new card,
Eight or so stamps gone,
$20 cash gone,
cute little wallet,
Police report filed.

I’m still glad I turned in that $96.

don't speak...don't speak! rant

Oh to walk away…

Sometimes you try to do just the best that you can. Sometimes you just do what you think is best. Sometimes you give a bit too much. You attempt a balance. And then you realize that the world is full of … of … well, PEOPLE! And one person of no significance is a straw that breaks or weakens the camel’s back.

Yes, I know. I “let” them get me. I think maybe if I had an agenda, things would be different. But I don’t have that kind of drive. These “people”, these character’s that surround me. These people that test my resolve, my contribution …

I just want to walk away!

a path to nothing

I think I’m caught in the middle of this place. I live in Oregon, the most passive aggressive place on the planet. Sorry, but its’ true. Besides, around here…who’s going to challenge that? Really?

I was born in Missouri, and I’ve traveled to almost every state. So I think that travel has created within me a balance of the passive and the aggressive. I would not say that I am aggressive at all. God I hope not. If you think I am, tell me and I’ll fix that right away. But I’m not passive either. Life is a bit too short, actually. There is nothing wrong with a straight yes or no.

It is an odd place to be. Kind of in this place that could be a world of options open and ready for me. And everyone passively thinking about maybe responding to my interests in these options.

Then again, the options seem slim to none. I think more than anything, the problem is I’m not interested in the options. I like a lot of things that I have done. I have some well-crafted skills and experience. But none of them are strong enough to move me into something new. Or even where I’ve been for that matter? I know, strange huh?

I would be remiss if I said that anything about what I’ve done or what I think I can do holds any interest at all for me. I said in a previous post that I do nothing better than anyone I think I know. I know that some people don’t believe me when I say that or they say, you would be board to tears. Boredom doesn’t bring me to tears.

In the truest since of the word I have done ‘nothing’ for the last 10 months. At least in my opinion, what most people would qualify as nothing. I’ve read, updated Twitter and Facebook, read about Twitter and Facebook. Watched the news, listened to music, gone to coffee shops and attempted to write. Or finish that novel I started last November. Drop out of the social media scene temporarily and wrote more. (Dropping again by the way! PEOPLE!) I’ve been in a couple of classes at PSU, a few Friday’s here and there. Social Media Club meetups, AIGA events, cleaned out some closets, storage and dumped a bunch of stuff at charities.

So that seems really not like nothing, but in my 48 year old brain, I haven’t done anything because I don’t have a paying job. And more than anything if I could figure out a way to swing it, I would not have a job. I would continue to do just what I have been doing. But no one is going to pay me to do nothing.

All this stuff I’ve done, I’ve done on my own time, my own schedule. No one has said, I need this now or I need this, period. Or what have you done this week? What are your numbers? What’s your plan for next week? …nothing.

don't speak...don't speak! rant

The Perils of Unemployment

Being unemployed means you have 40 extra hours a week to fill with something.  I have a lot of free time.  Problem is, I like it.  I do “nothing” better than anyone I know.  Mainly because I can do “nothing” for a very long time and love every minute of it!  Besides, you can only job search so many hours a day.  And networking is lunch, dinner or if you’re lucky just a drink!

I was laid off last September. I knew it was coming long before September. There’s no place in a box, with high walls and excel spread-sheet to fill out for a crazy right brainer like me.


Although I think that I do well in that world and have a nice balance. But I’m about relationships, the company I was with was about the transaction. Ca-Ching!

Since September I attempted to write a novel. Still working on that actually. I think the core of the story was too much about my life to keep me interested. I haven’t had a bad life, but it hasn’t been one big party after another either. And, I guess, you know I’ve heard it all before. I know how it played out, so no need to hash it all out again. Nothing will change from it. And I couldn’t spin it enough to make it interesting enough I guess to keep me.

I attempted a career shift, tried to become a social media…something? Not an expert. That takes 10,000 hours. Not a guru, for me that implies following. Even though that’s what Twitter is about, don’t really want people following me. Practitioner feels to medicinal. I put on LinkedIn Social Media Wrangler. I spent the last 10 months reading, exploring and deep diving into the social media space. I have a bunch of accounts.  Even have my own Poken, do you?  Some of those accounts are listed here. A lot of places to be huh?  My list of social media is a FRACTION of that.  But some days too many.  I’m still not as glued to it as I was.  Twitter was down day before yesterday.  That’s what I heard.  Didn’t even know it until later that night.

I belong to Social Media club. I Twitter and FB for PSU and set up my friend at Bonneville Spa. But you see, these “social media” spots are either in the marketing or communications departments. Crazy me thinking that I could get a job in communications? It’s so specialized. How dare I step outside my box! Right. Not in a box, never have been. But my past “title’s” are defining me and have me square in the middle of a box.  Maybe that’s why I’ve thrown so many away in the last couple of weeks while purging?


I started cleaning out closets and purging boxes and storage. After several trips to Goodwill, ARC and the Community Warehouse, I’ve gone from two full storage units to one almost full. I have a few things left to shred and recycle.  But have to wait for them to empty the big dumpster’s around the complex.  Seems I’m not the only one.


Got my car cleaned up to sell. Time to get off my ass. Besides, the $500 a month that I’ll save and the cash in the bank from the sale will make unemployment a bit manageable incase it’s a few more month before I do find work.

for sale $11,000

Now I’m going to attempt to do what I’ve wanted to have done since I moved into my condo. The kitchen cabinets have about 27 layers of paint on them. So many in fact that some of the doors don’t close for the paint on the hinges.


I’m actually hoping that I kind of get started, find a job and then can pay someone to finish it! 😉

Although selling the car will allow me to hold off and not just take any job. Of course with unemployment if I get offered a job I have to take it. But no on is offering so I’m not worried about that.

I don’t however think I have the skill and ability to finish that cabinet job…


the straw that broke my little twitterfacebookensocialmedialovin camels back

I’ve decided to close Seesmic, TweetDeck and not open Facebook for a while. I saw the light today, or at least for a few minutes it was shining really brightly!

Remember this guy? Insane?
this is insanity

As I write this it’s been about 3.5 hours (now 7:16:25:3) since I looked at or posted to Facebook or Tweeted. Funny, seems longer? HA! It is crack!! ☺

It was crazy to watch Twitter go into over-drive as the news about Michael Jackson came out. News had him dead, then in a coma, and dead again.

Someone tweeted that this will interrupt Twitter more than Iran. I thought, and what does that say? We deal with things that we think we can have some element of control of.

So I tweeted, “One, two. If two is true who is three.” You know the old saying death always comes in three’s. I had forgotten about Ed McMahon. So now there were three.

Many other’s died today I know. Mother’s, Father’s, Brother’s and Sisters. But those three get the news because they are news and now wall to wall coverage. I guess, I’m not watching. I am sure there will be a sea of flowers to film somewhere. A mass of humanity will be mourning someone they didn’t know. Some they listened to or saw in concert, but never really knew them. A song or an action might have made a difference in their life, but they didn’t know them. They knew just what the press told them, real or otherwise.

Then I see this random tweet that says that the actor Jeff Goldblum has died falling from a cliff while filming in New Zealand. The link took about 5 minutes to load. By then I had Googled Goldblum about 8 times with no results. This can’t be? I finally see the “developing story” from some news source in New Zealand, “details to come.” Then I see a tweet that says the Goldblum story is a hoax to drive business to a website.
diane arbus

The straw that broke my little twitterfacebookensocialmedialovin camels back.

I updated Facebook saying that I had seen a crazy tweet about another death, but would not say who until I was able to get some, any kind of confirmation. To which about 12 people quickly responded.

It was then I saw her and heard, “STOP THE INSANITY!” Remember her?
susan powter

So when I got home about an hour ago (4 now). I closed Seesmic, Tweetdeck and closed Facebook windows. And didn’t answer any of the Facebook inquires into, who? Who? They’ve seen it or figured it out by now.

So I’m looking at OPB and listening to the iPod that’s on all the time anyway. And not looking at Twitter or Facebook. I have some pretty good tunes!

I thought this and thought it a weird thought, but Michael Jackson’s death pulls focus from the death of Farrah Fawcett. Which in my opinion is more relevant, more important because of her fight with cancer, our current healthcare situation, etc. This morning the news was about her, cancer, treatments, etc. Tonight;

We have this amazing tool to communicate with. Yet everyone is so desperate to be the one who is the first to say it (to give the appearance of where they are “in” the loop) that they forget they are part of a conversation, even driving a conversation that has consequences. Ones that can do more harm than good. O.k., “everyone” is big. I know very responsible Tweeter’s.

So I’m going to take a little break. Not for ever, just a while. You might see a post of an article that I find interesting, but I’m not going to log in to Twitter or Facebook for a while. I will look at LinkedIn and read email. I am after all looking for a job, so better keep an eye on that.

I think I’ll blog a bit more and maybe spend some time actually working on that book. I think Knod misses me. Now just what to do with him?

Rest in peace, Ed, Farrah, Michael, Serena, Sky …

Peace out tweeps!


you tell me

I was twuising Twitter last night (6.24) and ran across this profile;

“Stay-at-home, work-from-home mom worried about my children’s future and bitterly clinging to God and my guns.” Great kids and guns always a good combo.

Then I saw this from her, “JUST IN! ABC to unveil new logo!” And attached to it was an odd image of President Obama with the earth as a third eye and squiggly lines wrapping around his face. She also tweeted, “Wonder how MSNBC is feeling tonight after kissing O’s butt for 2 years!! Your not the only state run media any longer…join the crowd!” Huh?

So somehow, news or an attempt at news is now a competition like American Idol or Dance your Fat Ass off. This kind of talk CHAPS me. Mostly because, hold on a second gotta get up on my high horse. This is such an ignorant, ridiculous simple-minded statement that it makes me wonder how this person even knows now to log into a site like Twitter.

I’d like my conservative friends who seem to be quiet lately to explain this stunningly idiotic comment to me. PLEASE!! Enlighten me I am begging you!

So it’s a bad thing for the President of the United States to be on the news, any news to talk about his agenda and answer questions from the people he works for? At this point in his Presidency wasn’t Bush already back at the ranch on vacation chasing Barney and clearing brush?

I also see tonight that Fox News identified Governor Sanford as a Democrat. They must have hired another intern. Seems like every time a finger wagging Republican gets caught with his pants down around his ankles wagging something else he becomes a Democrat.

I have a friend who tells the story of “amnesty night”. While growing up one night a year, usually Christmas eve, she an her brother’s where allowed to tell their parents anything that they had done during the year that would have gotten them in trouble if know when it happened, but not on amnesty night.

So I have an idea. Let’s have an Amnesty Week, or maybe a month to fit everyone in. For that amount of time, Minister’s, Preacher’s, Politicians, CEO’s, Financial Advisor’s, Teacher’s, Doctor’s, Police Chief’s, Librarian’s, Bus Driver’s, everyone get’s to come clean with adult sexual indiscretion, past drug usage, unpaid Nanny taxes, unpaid taxes … I’m sure there are a few more. Make a 24/7 news channel just for this. Advertiser can be, Viagra, KY Jelly, Legal Aid, Cialus, rehab and depression center’s and that guy that sells all the computer training on DVD. Line up new conference after news conference. Let’er rip! You know, one of those where everyone shows up and hooks their microphones to a box that feeds from one source. That way those poor conservative’s won’t think one network is getting special treatment.

Sidebar, if anyone knows Rep. Randy Neugebauer (R) in Texas. Please do us all a favor and walk the several articles and publications over to him that show or confirm Barack Obama’s birth. Since I don’t think there was a document unveiling for all to attend, and Randy has, “never seen him (Obama) produce documents that would say one way or another.” SOMEONE SHOW THIS TOOL, at least get World Net Daily in front of him, so he can move on.

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mean people suck ll

I’m not sure that I have completely figured out how to write about perception. I continue to think about it and attempt to define it for myself. Can it be defined?

Even David Letterman is talking about perception.


so SUE me

After reading this post by Greta Van Susteren I decided to google other’s laws that are out there.

Let me say this, I’m not saying that we should take casually real credible threats towards people, but really…?

• Women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business.
• You may not smoke within 100 feet of the entrance to a public building.
• It is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing “body hugging clothing.
• Citizens may not greet each other by “putting one’s thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers”.
• A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting.
• It is against the law to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun.
• The penalty for jumping off a building is death.
• New Yorkers cannot dissolve a marriage for irreconcilable differences, unless they both agree to it.
• A person may not walk around on Sundays with an ice cream cone in his/her pocket.
• While riding in an elevator, one must talk to no one, and fold his hands while looking toward the door.
• Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 P.
• The state constitution allows for freedom of speech, a trial by jury, and pregnant pigs to not be confined in cages.
• One may not commit any “unnatural acts” with another person.
• Unmarried couples may not commit “lewd acts” and live together in the same residence.
• Corrupting the public morals is defined as a nuisance, and is declared a misdemeanor offense.
• Doors of all public buildings must open outwards.
• It is illegal to sell your children.
• Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
• A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
• If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
• It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
• Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
• Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
• It is illegal to skateboard without a license.
• When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
• You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.
• It is considered an offense to shower naked.
• You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers.
• Oral sex is illegal.
• You may not kiss your wife’s breasts.
• Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.
• Incestuous marriages are legal.
• It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.
• It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.
• You may not drive barefooted.
• It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of spooking horses.
• It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday.
• Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
• It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
• Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
• Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
• It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.
• You must have windshield wipers on your car.
• You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
• Masks may not be worn in public.
• Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men.
• It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
• Drivers must yield to pedestrians who are standing on the sidewalk.
• One may not test their physical endurance while driving a car on a highway.
• It is illegal to place a container filled with human fecal matter on the side of any highway.
• Babies may not be carried on the running boards of a car.
• Drivers may not pump their own gas.
• A door on a car may not be left open longer than is necessary.
• An adult may not show a minor any piece of classical artwork which depicts sexual excitement.
• Dishes must drip dry.
• The “Peer Review Statute” prohibits you from finding out details of any written or oral discussion about your medical treatment.
• It is illegal to whisper “dirty” things in your lover’s ear during sex.
• Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays.
• It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property.
• One may not bathe without wearing “suitable clothing.”
• Canned corn is not to be used as bait for fishing.

Oh, there’s more!

I’m looking up cases and precedence on mental anguish.


mean people suck

I just watched this. Yes, start to finish and now my stomach is in my throat.

I’ve been trying to write a post for the last week about perception. But I keep getting confused and distracted.

1. the act or faculty of apprehending by means of the senses or of the mind; cognition; understanding.
2. immediate or intuitive recognition or appreciation, as of moral, psychological, or aesthetic qualities; insight; intuition; discernment: an artist of rare perception.
3. the result or product of perceiving, as distinguished from the act of perceiving; percept.
4. Psychology. a single unified awareness derived from sensory processes while a stimulus is present.
5. Law. the taking into possession of rents, crops, profits, etc.

I think maybe I’m easily confused? I try to be fair and descent. I admit to an ornery streak from time to time. But I do think I am descent person with reasonably logical, rational ideas and thoughts.

My thought about this, Bill O’Reilly, is the problem. To be this mean, this disrespectful to another human being is Un-American. But that’s my perception.

A friend from my youth Tweeted yesterday that while listening to “Rush” (yes, I have a friend who listens to Rush) in the car his 10 year old son said, “why does the government want to raise taxes Dad? Don’t they have enough money?” I thought, well if the government hadn’t given that top 10% a big tax break maybe they wouldn’t need to change taxes. But the “perception” is that everyone will get hit. But I keep hearing someone say, “only the top 10%”. I must be making that up? More of that perception.

I had another thought recently as well. You know the noise about the media being liberal? The “liberal media”. The media does craft the message. They do decide what we see and hear. They see and hear everything. In college I had friends that interned during the Gulf War at stations in Kansas City. The public does NOT see all the news that’s fit to anything.

My thought is that the media is liberal because they see everything and they really know what is going on, they truly know corruption. But that’s my perception.

How many times have I listened to or watched a “liberal” news report take every point of a conservative report and disputes each point with facts. Fact’s either in writing or recorded tape. I’d try to upload those hear, but don’t think my little blog has the bandwidth.

I think Bill O’Reilly is straight up, no holds barred mean. I keep going back to the “visceral hatred” comment from another friend about George W. Bush. Visceral is a pretty harsh word, he must have mean friends. I didn’t agree with much that Bush did, but don’t think any of my comments could be labeled visceral? O’Reilly in the video above, visceral. But then that’s my perception.

I am entitled to my perception, but what does that mean in reality? I can read every paper. I can listen to every news sources, but am I reading someone’s perception of what happened? My Mom says, “Your perception is developed around your intelligence and experience, I think. If you make sure you view all sides of an issue, then make up your mind according to the best information you have, that’s the best you can do.” She also said, “Listening only to Rush, Cheney, and O’Reilly and now Glen Beck would sure screw up your perception.”

So can I get a show and yell and be mean to people who voice their perceptions, get paid lot’s of money and get that great tax break?

I don’t see how the meanness or hatred solves anything. Certainly has to raise someone’s blood pressure? What does it accomplish? What purpose does it serve? Some might say, it’s entertainment. I find nothing entertaining about most of what is reported today. And why is this acceptable? Yelling at someone, talking over them, not having a “conversation” to make your bogus point. Again, my perception.

Oops, shouldn’t have gone to Huffington Post, just read this post, Cupp, who is a contributor to the Washington Post and Politico, fumed:

“This is the enduring legacy of the Obama campaign. I’m not saying this to be inflammatory, I blame Barack Obama because he allowed his surrogates in the media and Hollywood and everyone else on the left to do this dirty talking for him.”

What? She gets paid to be a journalist and thinks like this? I’m done!